Hmm... So much time has passed again. Nothing new on my sitch, except that I am in a new relationship. This feels much more mature than my previous ones. There has been days off without communication and we have had serious conversations about our needs and general views. She understands me but does not seem to try to solve my problems, which is really nice. I have not told her about this place and will keep it that way.
My XW and I were never alike. We liked different things, valued different things and chased different things. Part of this realization made me think about sitches overall and wonder why people believe in this "script". If the "script" applied to my case, OM would be someone who is "less" than I am in many areas - but he is not. I think those cases where OPs are "less" are the minority. One could go on and babble about morals and such, but morals and ethics could be debated till the distant future. Fact of the matter is that impulses can easily override morals. My XW wanted something else in her life than what I was offering, she was not this "foggy" depressed person. Sometimes people just are not a fit for each other. What I am really saying here is that I think newcomers are comforted too much about their own value by bashing the OP when in fact the two best life advices I have ever heard is "take 100% responsibility of your life and what happens to you" and "compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to someone else". This comfort makes them basically addicted to this site and the people supporting. Leave the anger, belittlement, moral pushing, ego-fixing and just live your life to the fullest.
I have spent way too much time thinking life and its meaning. I do not really know why I sometimes think about my past and my marriage or XW. One thing I know for sure that it is not about wanting to reconciliate. More of thinking about the meaning of it or the actions that lead us to where we end up divorcing. I do not know if this is normal, even though I am already in a new relationship. It is not harming though and I believe fully in myself that I am not trying to replace anything with anyone.
The morals I have adapted are generally viewed as christian. That combined with extreme interest to find my purpose and to satisfy my intellect and cognitive needs, I have been reading the bible even though I do not believe in deity and generally identify as an atheist. Oh boy how much I have changed. If you would have told me two years ago that I would be reading the bible through with an actual curiosity in the stories it teaches (as I think I could have read it through as just an interest in it as general knowledge, to see what it is really all about or to impress people in quizzes) I would have laughed my ass off and called you crazy. Well, here I am, next tackling Dostoevskys books.
I find it interesting that people find meditation and mindfullness as useless practices. My XW told that this is her view. I have seen evidence of the contradictory sort. Maybe some people are generally very mindful and thus do not require these practices - but I have seen personal improvement alongside with actual research results indicating otherwise, at least with some subjects.
Well, I just wanted to share something so this message is probably all over the place. As a new era has started in my life, this will be my last update to my sitch. I wish you all the best for the future and many thanks for the people who have helped me along my journey. You know who you are.
LC
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
