Hi all...I introduced myself in the PM thread yesterday, but I'll do it again here. I've been lurking here for quite awhile...I also have a thread in the Newcomers sections from when I was a WAW. Me, 36, H36, 2 kids, married 11 years, together 13.
H and I were separated but are now back together and I'm working on our SSM. I think I've come a long way as things have been picking up in the ML department.
My question is for you HDs out there...are you up for "quickies" or do you want all or nothing?? See, there are times when I really just don't want to go for "extended playtime" but I'm totally up for a quickie . Would you HDs be up for it? I don't want to put the offer out to H if it is going to be counter-productive.
I would TOTALLY be up for it, but this has never (and I mean NEVER) been a part of our sexual repertoire. For us, it's been "all or nothing" because that's the way W wanted it. I'm hoping as I begin to implement the ideas in PM, we'll be able to get to the point of exploring our true sexual potential, and THEN I think occasional quickies could quite definately become possible...
It depends on the context and quality. I was leaving on a week-long trip the next day, we hadn't ML in a while, and she tried to force a quickie on me. It was completely humiliating. If she would have said..."I'm tired tonight...can we make it a quickie", I would have been much more appreciative. She also tried to just "service me" without any interest in enjoy herself this made matters worse. Try to make sure that there is at least high-level of erotism and energy in the quickie and that it as gratifying as longer sessions due to "variation" and "novelty". Doing a "shorter" version of the sex you already do will tarnish your good feelings about sex.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
If you hubby is sex starved, you might want to avoid quickies for a while. As far as them being ok, I think so, as long as that doesn't become the diet of choice.
Yesterday, I awoke to a damp naked wife in bed with me. She had just showered and climbed back in the bed. She asked if I was in the mood for a quickie. Well, yes thank you very much!
Last night, we made love.
Also, every lovemaking session does NOT have to be a marathon, but as you practice being available to each other, that will work itself out.
All the best! -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quickies once a while are great but they (imo) should definitely be in the minority of your sexual experiences.
As far as sex goes, I like long drawn out sex but I also like shorter, more goal-oriented sex too. I think that once some sexual trust is built back up between you and your H, you will be able to indicate that you just want a shorter session that night without him thinking the worst. But right now, I would offer the quickies in the following manner: You: (before you hit the sack and with a playful tone in your voice and a smile on your face) "Wanna quickie?"
What you want to avoid (again, imo) is the following version: You: (at bedtime and obviously exhausted) "I am not up for full blown sex, but you can have a quickie if you want it."
It is all in how you offer it. Really this goes for a lot of situations and not just sex. If my H offered to do the dishes but made it clear that he was doing me a HUGE favor, I'd prolly tell him to leave them and secretly be resentful and bitter about it. But if he cheerfully offered to do them, I'd think that he was a superhero.
If my wife made such a offer, I would certaily say yes, even though I prefer attentive, focused touching. Hey, then I could tell you how I liked it ;->
At any rate, go ahead and offer a quickie some time and see how it goes for each of you. You don't have to solve the entire sexual side of your marriage all at once, and a quickie will certainly get his attention. If it goes well, try it again.
I do notice that when my wife and I have tried to have sex, I have to somehow manage to not turn her off for the entire 45 minutes or so leading up to it, and there are so many things that can turn her off that this is not easy. A quickie may be a lot less sensitive to all the things that might go wrong when you're trying to have optimal sex.
George Bush and Condaleeza Rice were eating in a Georgetown restaurant. The waitress came by to take their order, and Bush said, "how about a quickie?" The waitress slapped him and stormed off.
Condaleeza Rice looked at Bush and said, "Mr. President, I believe that word is pronounced 'Keesh'".
. Would you HDs be up for it? I don't want to put the offer out to H if it is going to be counter-productive.
