WW really needed to call me 3 times in a row to find... air mattress. Told her it's not at home, she informs me her sister's engagement party is tomorrow and that it's going to be really hard for her. Phone call highlights:
--said she never stopped being open with me...while we were married (we still are), even though I hurt her and threw her heart around -questioned why I had air mattress at the lake, asked how many people, which friends, did I take a girl, was one of my sister's friends there (she views this friend as a threat); says she doesn't care if that girl was there (which is obviously why you brought it up) -she gets mad that I won't answer, I tell her I'm confused why this matters -I tell her I'm going to get going several times, she extends conversation several times, asking "can we talk for just a minute"? -says "this seems like it is really easy for you". I'm just curious. I tell her it's not with a story from my past. She tells me that it is hard for, b/c it's "what you're used to", and it's weird when you're not doing what you're used to. -a lot of smalltalk -I go to end conversation a 3rd time, she asks if I've told her parents about her affair. Said she'd rather them not know. -I asks If I blame her for "that" (her affair), says "do you think I'm bad"? She says she thinks it "looks bad, but what else was I supposed to do"? I just validated this, maybe I was wrong. -was worried that I was going to try to "mess her up bc of it", and got defensive when I don't quickly respond. Cried and said "I don't want to be screwed over". "I don't know if you're not thinking about me at all". Then she starts bawling (crying).
Then we met in person at a Panera, here's the highlights: -WW cried a lot, she is sad, how is this "happening to her"? -WW hates me but loves/cares about me, but doesn't love me -WW won't have anywhere to live, won't be able to get a loan for anything -WW says this is very hard -WW stated (again) that I am doing fine on my own. I informed her that I have feelings too but that I am dealing with them, reading, getting help, talking to people. -Her mom is mad at her b/c her uncles helped us with a lot of work (for free) and they will be at the party tomorrow -asked who I've told about her affair. I informed her that she's in a relationship w/ someone else so we aren't freely exchanging info -we hugged once inside, she initiated a hug before we left -I validated a lot of feelings, asked her questions about them -she reiterated before she left that it's going to be hard to be around family tomorrow, so I told her "why don't you just tell them"? -mad at my friend for discussing her affair with someone else -wants to know what my mom, dad, and sister all think/say about her/the situation -stated how it's hard b/c she "doesn't believe in divorce" and she "meant her vows to love me" but that she doesn't love me right now...
Please don't validate bad behaviour. It's like rewarding a child for stealing sweets.
The effects of her waywardness has to hit home. So the attitude is you did the crime noW do the time.
You wouldn't validate a mugger who steals your wallet or forgive them whilst they are still mugging you.
She is trying to minimise the effect of her behaviour on her.
So STFU if you can't say "serves you right" (in a nicer way perhaps. And shorten these convos.
Seriously, this is clearly trying to execute plan B.
My thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
