[Vanilla]

Abuse comes in all sorts of ways and it is my firm belief that although it is very difficult you release yourself from abuse.

There is no 'degree' or 'not too bad' or 'others have it worse' with abuse. It is also my view that DB is ineffective in abuse and makes abuse much much worse.

This type of abuse is systemic and usually derives from a disordered personality, have you explored with an IC why you accept this level of abuse?

I am not anti porn particularly, as a little harmless spice it's great fun, but at your WH level it has reached addiction plus he doesn't want to take action on it. That's a serious issue.

None of this is your fault, none of it, it's squarely on him.

As for being a lost cause, your not. You are here and listening to us. I do hope that something that is said to you will reach you and start the avalanche of change you need.

I would say read my threadS but there are so many of them. The early threads 4 to 9 will show you the abuse I suffered and how hard it was to cope with. I tell you this because recovery from abuse is a long hard road. A struggle. I meet with a group of women all of whom have been abused, some very severely and it is such a difficult journey.

You want the guy you M back and it's never happening. Once WH has wilfully permanently crossed the Rubicon there is no coming back to health. WH likes his addiction, loves it , and rationalised it as need. All addicts need their addiction.

I can read your threads and posts, and I can be triggered by it. As long as you keep posting then I will keep reading.

Unlike other posters I will be very clear, please be safe, get help from a domestic abuse group IRL, IC to explore the roots of your tolerance. Determine if you are codependent.

Kick his abusive ass to the curb, be free of him and his abuse.

Be safe.

V