[sandi2]

The porn issue has affected me very deeply but he insists that all guys do it. And I know they do so what can I say?

No, not all guys do.

He acts like he doesn't understand my hurt about it and took it off the table for discussion a long time ago, his words

So, that's how he deals with what he does that hurt you. But if the table is turned and it's you doing something to hurt him......what happens?

Not that long ago, he told me he did take a break from it and had no sex drive at all. I'm not sure why he told me that, if he felt like I would then be grateful for it?? But if that's what he was hoping, it did the opposite because I was like what?! So I'm not enough to keep your sex drive going? wth?

I am certainly no expert on the subject, but I have read that^^^^^^^^ it is a side effect of long term porn use. I'll state it this way.......when some men have used porn for many years, they finally get where they cannot perform sex with their W's. In other words, porn is what gets them off, and they can't do it without watching porn. I've also read about how the way some porn addicted H's treat their W in bed......as if she is one of the porn actresses, b/c it desensitizes his emotional connection, loving tenderness, and caring about his W's needs in love making. Do any of these sound familiar?

One time I actually walked in on him masturbating in the living room to porn...I was devastated, totally. I mentioned that at one point, that it felt like he had cheated on me..

Well, sure you felt as if he had cheated on you. Just b/c he's a guy, does not make porn use acceptable, as if it's a stand-in for the W. You do realize he is jerking off when he watches it, right? And those porn images are stored in his memory, so he can mentally pull them up whenever he wants.

I know he didn't but it FELT like that. All he said was, imagine that because meanwhile you really WERE cheating on me. There's just no point in trying to talk to him.

This is why I say things are very unhealthy, b/c he is trying to write the definition of cheating when it applies to you, but a different set.....or no set at all, when it applies to him. Many, many W's feel cheated due to porn. Some guys can break the addiction, but we had a poster once who wrote about how difficult it was. If your H doesn't want to stop, and won't seek counseling, or whatever, to help him......then I don't know what to tell you. Even a few cases I remember had porn issues and the H broke the use of it.......it did not save that current M. Those men went on to another M, but the W they had while using porn.......did not stay.. Am I telling you to get a divorce? No, I am telling you to find your strength, self value, and happiness. Don't continue being this sad & lonely woman you are today.

He wants to stay where he is. Which I just can't understand because he says he still loves me, would look for someone just like me, he has given me random compliments even since he's declared that we'll never be a couple again....he just insists that he can't ever trust me with his heart again

Does he have sex with you?

Is he taking the high road? He could be right?

In the Book I read, forgiveness is taking the high road........so, no, I don't think he is taking the high road.

Maybe he's been so hurt by me that he truly just doesn't want to ever try again. But he's staying in this M because our kids don't deserve a broken home. I mean, that's either really f#%^ed up or really admirable. I truly can't decide.

A man's ego is the most fragile thing on earth. His ego was hurt, and based on your posts, he believes in a double standard for the two of you. Yes, he sounds messed up, but that's JMHO.

Has he said anything to the kids that implied you had cheated, or made slight remarks throwing off on you that the kids didn't understand what he meant?