Am I Piecing, or Pi$$ing in the wind???

[Clyde]

Since the day of the party my wife and I have not communicated much, I spoke with her yesterday, mentioned that D13's behavior has been good and that I think it is a good time to lift the restriction... what were her thoughts? W agreed.

I then brought up the point that it is crucial that we are a united front when it comes to the kids. Her response was, "I agree, but when I feel that she is missing out on something she should not, then I am going to say something."

Me: "you just contradicted yourself, we are either a united front or we are not, there can not be exceptions."
W: "We'll they are family, she would be able to go... you would of let her go if it was your nephew!"

I again refrained from bringing up the obvious fact that these people are not family.

Me: "No, as a matter of fact I would not of let her go... if you, I and the rest of the kids were all going as a family unit it would be a whole different scenario. But you wanted her to go alone, to spend the whole day/night with your "sister" even though the party is only an hour or 2 long... D13 has proven we can not trust her at the moment, and if there is any where that her trust and decision making skills needs to be rock solid, it would be there, when she is hanging out w/ your "sister".

No Comment from the W

Me: "Back to the point now, we need to be a united front, no exceptions... would you agree?"
W: "I never told her that she should be able to go, when she asked me if her behavior was better I told her yes, but I never told her I thought she should be able to go, I told her to go talk to you."

W is lying, changing her story as she see's there is no way to be right on her previous stance.

Me: "Thats not what you said the other day, I came up to you and said "Whats going on, Is D13 trying to manipulate us?" If at that point you had answered like you just did, the convo would of went a whole lot different. But you didn't you told me that you were telling her she should be able to go."
W: "I never told her I thought she should be able to go!"
Me: "okay, well I know what I heard but arguing that at this point is only going to detract from the main point, we need to be united in our stance when it comes to the kids. Do you agree?"
W: " I agree"

At that point I had to go as I was in the school parking lot and my S7 had just gotten out of class. I was hoping we would continue the convo at home but it went no further, I felt like I should leave it in her hands to bring up, but she didn't. Instead we went on not saying much the rest of the day into today.

An hour ago I asked her, "Anything you want to talk about"

W: "No"
Me: "So are we just going to continue to barely acknowledge one another? Seems to me like there are some things that need to be discussed."
W: "I don't have anything to talk about"

I did not pursue it any further, as much as I am hating the vibe around here, as much as I know that talking about it in a constructive matter could lead to resolve, I think it would be pursuing at this point, and not only do I have no desire to pursue her at this point, I have vivid memories what happened last time I tried to "talk things out" prior to separation. Not to mention, she is clearly showing that she will lie about things she previously said... whether it be an hour ago, a few days ago..., whenever, so whats the point! (she lied a few weeks ago saying she did not know what a teddy is 30 minutes after bringing up teddy parties, granted she apologized the next day).

Is the fact that she is having to lie about what she says resonating in her mind, is it making an impression to where she is going to think things through before saying them, will she start reflecting on her stances rather than having to be right all the time? Do I have the patience to find out? At what point is it a lost cause?

It is definitely a daily battle, I love this W. I tell myself recon is hard, buckle up! I laugh at one of my post previously made right after she moved back home... I was asking the forum if I should give her the DB book to read, and said something like "I hope my W will someday partake in this forum, sharing her thoughts and what her reasonings were through this process" (AS quickly set me straight on that idea - thanks), but anyway - I say I laugh because of how naive about this process, thinking my W sanity was instantaneously restored.