Are you working with an IC? It really sounds like you could use that sort of help. This is an extremely tough situation and it is clear how emotional you are, even through the filter of the internet.
I had one session. Bottom line is that I just can't afford it. Once I can, I plan to start up again.
Quote:
Be the best blackmac you can be not to try to R with a cheating wayward wife, but because it will be the best thing you can do for you and your son.
Thank you. I needed that reminder.
Sorry, everyone, I'm just not really in a good place right now.
I think sometimes I just need a place to vent. Okay...a lot. Heh.
Yes, you're right, I'm trying to make order out of chaos. That's how my mind works anyway. Heh. And yes...I'm digging through darkness looking for hope, because this is the worst thing I think I've ever been through (my first divorce was emotional, but not like this).
This weekend, I was supposed to keep my son. Her dad wanted to keep him, so she agreed to that...then contacted me to see if it was okay. There's no right response to that...either I'm a bad guy for keeping my own son, or I'm a bad guy for being okay with it.
Last weekend, they went to the beach. This weekend, he's going to her dad's out of town. Next weekend, he's supposed to be with me (even though it would be her weekend...unless she switches it around). The weekend after that? Father's day. He'll be with her mom out of town...except Sunday morning (she comes to town anyway and takes him to church)...so MAYBE after noon I'll get to spend a couple of hours with my son.
There's not a final decree...that's still a way off. So this whole "moms/dads weekend" isn't even really a thing (except I DO love spending time with him) but she expects me to pretty much stick with whatever pattern she wants.
Monday through Friday, he's at a sitter while she works. Then every weekend, he's with either me, her mom, or her dad. And she has the audacity to say he's with her 95% of the time?
Sorry. I'm venting. This is really hard to navigate for anyone, especially someone with my medical issues.
The bottom line is that I pretty much don't even have a support system here. It's only mutual friends who are truly neutral, or people that live hours away. So I hold on to a LOT of emotional stuff. I do plan to go to IC, but it's just going to take time for me to be able to do that.
Fun fact: I've ALMOST hit my deductible...but since I got laid off, that's pretty much done. Heh.
I appreciate all of the support, I truly do. Even if I sound like I'm arguing...I'm just trying to work all of this stuff out in my head.
Steve85, I think you're right...I'm not sure she really knows why. I think she has an assortment of reasons that she pulls out of her hat based on who she's talking to...because she has the story she told me, the one she told her mom, the one she told our mutual friends, and the one she tells her own friends. They're all different.
What [censored] is that I'm the one that has to suffer for her decisions. It's exhausting, to say the least.
