Yes, when a lot of traumatic stuff happens when you're younger, it encodes in your system this level of hopelessness and being unable to control anything. And that stays with you into adulthood even though now you are able to exercise some control. Understanding that key difference coupled with the attitudinal change is important.
My IC told me that whatever happened when I was a child and an adolescent, was out of my control really. So, to forgive myself for that time and understand that I was truly a 'victim'. But, when I shed that and came into adulthood, I now had to change my mindset and approach life with control. So, not to forget what happened, but understand it, and not let your identity be defined by it.
I knew when I got over the 'victim' mentality. Two specific things happened (I worked on it proactively, and it didn't just magically appear):
1. I stopped beating myself up and telling myself that I was stupid, dumb, blah blah blah, which would lead me to stay in low self-worth. Instead I approached my failures with curiosity and open investigation, and accepted that failure was part of life but it didn't get to define me. 2. I become a lot more self-compassionate towards myself.
When those two things started happening consistently, I got glimpses into what I could control and then I slowly started walking that path.
One awesome thing that came out of this organically as well was that I stopped telling everyone about my abysmal life and childhood, but about the awesome stuff I was doing and how hopeful I was about life and the future.
One more thing. When you put in the work towards yourself, you'll cross the bridge from 'believing' that you are worthy to 'trusting' that you are worthy. That distinction is huge IMHO. Because that trust is coming from internal validation. It was a game changer for me.
