yes you made mistakes. You should have kept the text about your grandma, not about your W.
This: Yes that sums up what she gave out very well. We were lucky to have had that time with such a wonderful lady. I think youll be like that when youre a grandma too.
Should have been just: Yes that sums up what she gave out very well. We were lucky to have had that time with such a wonderful lady.
Remember, you are detaching, you are validating her feelings (which is what the edited response above would do). What you did was pursue and pressure by making it about her. Essentially what you were saying is: "Our future together, with our grandkids, you'll be a grandma like that too!"
Her rebelling against that was obvious. "I want to be a wild grandma!" she is saying "My future doesn't include you, and I will be out sowing my wild oats for the rest of my life!"
The key to DBing is to 1) prepare yourself no matter what the future holds 2) remove all pursuit and pressure from the WAS to try to coax them to get curious about why that went away and come looking 3) to not remind them of what they have stated they want or how they feel
1 is what GAL, detachment, and 180s are all about. 2 is as I described. But 3 is a really big key. This is why saying "I love you" is something LBSs shouldn't say. Because it reminds the WAS that they DON'T love you. At least that is not how they feel at the moment. When you take away pursuit and pressure it allows the WAS room to breathe and to even potentially forget that they've already decreed that they are leaving.
In my sitch, I spent just over 2 months pursuing, pressuring, reminding my wife inadvertently that she wanted out of the MR. When I got better at detachment, and removed the pressure and pursuit, then my W slowly started to give up her waywardness, and she slowly, even reluctantly, started to move back towards the MR.
She even said to our MC "as we talk about fun things, and have fun discussions my desire to leave decreases and my desire to stay increases". That meant I stopped initiating any and all relationship discussions!
So remove that pressure. It isn't a guarantee, but if you continue to pursue and pressure I guarantee you will push her away.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
