The bomb woke me up, but she won't talk

[lusa]

I think Ive made more progress on this scary path by following through on my commitment to detach with love and stop pursuing. Realising the pursuit had taken the form of family time is a big breakthrough and has definitely helped me detach. I think our normal conversations have been nicer too.

Having said that Im disappointed that me pulling back like this has resulted so far in her now asking me less to be there with the kids, less offers of meals and her doing all the house jobs herself.

I am going to continue walking this scary path as I can feel it helping me to finally find myself. Even though its counter-intuitive and feels the wrong thing to do for the MR and the family ATM. Its laughable that I feel Ive been demonstrating so much patience with this but Ive only just finished day 6.

We had an interesting text exchange this afternoon, which Im sure I made mistakes with but I think her reply was very significant so Im going to post it here.
Regarding my 97yr old Grandma who has recently passed away, she messaged

I miss her warmth and her kindness and her solidness, do you know what I mean?

I replied
Yes that sums up what she gave out very well. We were lucky to have had that time with such a wonderful lady. I think youll be like that when youre a grandma too.

I think this was a mistake, but she was, and sometimes I think still is like that.

Then she replied
I want to be a wild grandma after all these years of sensibleness.

Shes actually telling me this, and of course i straight away think of this thread. She has never been wild and sometimes I think that was partly my fault.

Heres my other mistakes

I replied
Even if you were wild you would still be warm kind and solid
Go for it, Im sure our grandkids would love a wild grandma

I really regret sending this now, i feel it goes against all the principals and has undone all my hard work.......duh

On reflection I think I still haven't detached properly and was desperate to communicate that

I still know and value that she is still warm and kind inside and she always has been to everyone.

I want you to remember we will have to share grandkids and BD, EA, D, etc will even affect them all those years into the future.