Withdrawal, The Worst Stage Yet?

[Rita]

DnJ et al, thank you again for checking into my thread. It is so important to me to see people checking in on me right now. Your words mean a lot, a lot!

I am so emotionally exhausted from the abuse investigation and everything else that I can't even summon the strength to write out what is happening but I had my usual confusion about how to not engage so I will post the latest exchange. I know that what I wrote back was too long and too engaging, so what I am wondering is how you all would revise what I wrote back so I can try to get clearer on how not to engage. I feel like there is a tiny shred of what my H says that is indicating he wants to actually fix finances in order to make his way back someday. I know his ideas are nuts but a part of me wanted to show that I was willing to attend a meeting he arranged, out of respect for him as a man, even though I think the whole thing is bunk and have no intention of agreeing to any debt consolidation schemes. So that is why I didn't feel I could just not answer. I get so tied in knots that I feel like I can't sit through my discomfort and then I am afraid to see him in the house if I haven't answered. I suppose I could just force myself to not answer except for the side of me that wants to show respect where I can. I know it would be much easier to navigate this stuff if he moved out; but that is not where God placed me for now, and I am not going to do anything to enable separation.

The part about my dad is because i called my father in a panic and asked him to ask H to leave me alone for a couple weeks.

Anyone who wants to take an editing pen to what I wrote and tell me how it would have looked if more detached, I would love to hear it. I have gone as dark as possible as far as not initiating any conversations via e-mail, text, in-person, I totally do my own thing, and most of the time I don't know where he is or what he is doing, but then he won't be silent on his end when he gets it into his head to start up or be around. I don't answer at least half of his e-mails.

Also he was right that I turned my face to look out the window at that moment during the meeting that he mentions. He is over 50 but was wearing a cropped t-shirt that showed his navel and had that MLC cool-guy weirdness vibe and was saying some very stupid things during an abuse visit that was only about me abusing my S, so I did turn to look out the window to get my face in order. But I fibbed about that below because in general I try to deflect the endless narcissism and blame.

He borrowed $80 from me last week and never gave it back. He even took money out of my daughter's wallet a few months ago and never gave it back; she was hysterically crying that someone stole her money til I figured it out. It was a low point for him but it did nothing to motivate him to start working. She kept asking him for the money, it was awful, so finally I gave her the money and told her to not ask him for it anymore, but only give it back to me if he ever did give it to her. These are tiny examples of the MLC money insanity as an intro to this note below, since it might sound like he has a reasonable idea about finances. His idea is basically to continue to earn nothing and contribute nothing but to somehow restructure what we earn on rentals so he can take more for himself. I am assuming the finance guy will quickly see how impossible that is, how deeply in debt we are, and how I am the only one contributing beyond the rentals, so if i can summon the courage, I would go to the meeting. I wish one of you could go with me!

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OK, I managed to get the part I wrote. So maybe it's when I cut from an e-mail, even if I save it in a word doc. I want to post our exchange to get your comments but don't know how to get it posted.

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[job]

It might have been a couple of hyphens that you had in there. Parens are considered special characters too. I'm not saying that these are the issues, but you may want to keep your postings a bit shorter. No one knows what is going on and we are all just guessing at what the issues are.

[Rita]

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Tried to take out every single punctuation beyond period and comma but it didn't work.

I'm not very good at writing short posts! But in this case, I am wanting editing advice so I can have a model for the future, so there is no way around pasting in that e-mail. But I guess I can just give up!

[job]

RESTORED POSTING

Trying to post what he wrote as a separate thing.

Gerds,
I understand, bcs you are dad called me, that you are panicked and can't get involved in a financial meeting. I am sorry you feel overwhelmed. The meeting is free, on the basis of all debt and income documents he determines, while in the office, a new, more efficient path than the one in place, and only then after presenting us with a comparison between option A, the existing approach, and option B, a new approach, we make a choice, and I alone pay his fee, that is, if we agree on following a new path. His specialty is renegotiating with ALL creditors, mortgage, credit cards, personal or business loans, in ways that do not effect our individual credits and it is an omnidimensional but total overarching renegotiating process which terminates in what he said will be an overwhelming drop in financial stress and more financial freedom. If you don't wish to attend Friday, I will need copies of all the last statements from all the creditors and all the documents that verify all upstate and downstate incomes and expenses, as well as last years tax returns. I empathize, whatever their manifold sources, with your feelings of stress, and I could understand why you would not wish to attend. I am asking now that you try to empathize with my oceanic, but eminently reversible, feelings of stress over the desecrate lack of BOTH financial mobility and domestic autonomy that it self evidently takes to be able to find a gentle dash spacious place both in one's heart, for the purpose of finding a gentle dash spacious place in the hearts of my children.

They know their dad as a sad follower.

When with you I uttered a thing before a gov't official yesterday in our living room you turned away into a corner and looked at a wall dash out of an utter sense of embarrassment for your husband and out of a deep hidden certainty that I have no claim to love or truth or insight. She watched you looking away.

H

[job]

I do not understand why you are having so much difficulty on your thread because you are able to post on others w/o a glitch.

[Rita]

I was thinking the same thing! I am so sorry to bother you with it. I am wondering if you can also restore what I wrote back to him because that's what I need help with, figuring out better ways to respond.

[DnJ]

Gerda, I found apostrophe, colon, and quotes cause me trouble. The apostrophe gives me the most trouble (and looks like it is for you too), it slips in very often by the auto spell check. I did not find the length of the post a problem.

I end up writing do not, it is, have not, cannot, etc... It is (there is an example) also hard too proof read and remove the correct apostrophes and write incorrectly. My device dictionary is also learning poor grammar and spelling. I am forgetting how to use contractions. Oh no, I am loosing my perspicacity.

Again, it is late and I am spent. I will read your email and try to help if I can. Stay strong G.