And still struggling 2

[Jim1234]

Jim,

You said the divorce will be finalized soon, right? I guess you'll find out as the final papers are processed if she has any regrets because the reality of actually being divorced will surely hit your wife whereas all this time it's just been one long detailed process to get to where she wants to be. Her life doesn't sound that great from what you've said. It's not as if she has an amazing boyfriend and she's traveling around the world and living out all her dreams. It sounds like she spends a good amount of time alone.

Many of our mutual friends have commented that they don't see her anymore. I don't know if she will regret the turn her life has taken or whether she will regret it. There was no indication of regret yesterday.

I'm pretty sure she still suffers from depression. I've brought this up a few times, and she vehemently disagrees, so I've stopped flogging that dead horse.

If you and your wife spent 30 minutes talking over lunch and then another hour after settling the house issue that doesn't sound to me like two people who are about to get divorced. It sounds like two people who are on a date. I'm not sure how often you and your wife did that before you separated?

Our D has been weirdly amicable. I don't understand it. For years, we didn't do it much because of money and the kids, and then for years, we didn't do it much because she got tired of my endless pursuit. I fully acknowledge that I pursued hard, and drove her farther away.

I just noticed one thing in your signature - your wife appears to be older than you. This is interesting because as a man you could probably find a younger woman in her 30's or 40's whereas your wife at almost 60 might not have so, so many opportunities to date younger men. It just seems so strange for her to let you go. There's no affair on her part. We don't even hear of a MLC. It's not just strange because of age but because you've also been loyal, worked on changing yourself, and you have kids and such a long history together. You and your wife are kind of outliers here on this forum because your reasons for getting divorced don't seem warranted. They just don't seem to be so bad that they can't be fixed in counseling or with better communication. It's just odd. Perhaps I'd have to go back to read your old threads to remember more of her reasons but it really does sound like you've changed.[/quote]

Yes, she's 7 years older than I. I don't think she's worried about dating. She's said repeatedly she doesn't care if she's ever in another relationship.

I do fully acknowledge that during all the years we went to counseling, I always thought the problem was her, and I basically waited for her to change. Without her filing and moving out, I would never have suffered the introspection to realize my responsibility in the failure of our marriage. If she would be willing to try counseling again, she might see that, but she isn't willing to give me another chance.

She simply doesn't want to try any more.

And I'm kind of ready to finalize the D, because I don't think she will ever accept responsibility for her part in the failure of our marriage. I think any reconciliation would just leave me disappointed. In the time since she filed, I've heard not one word or regret, apology, or contrition. Maybe that will happen when the D is final, but probably not.