LW, I meant to respond to your post about your SiLs ganging up. And I am sure it certainly felt like they were attacking. But I think it might help to understand their perspective as well.

I have mentioned my niece on this board before. She married a guy that we all adored. They were both young, but it was fun to help them get their lives started and to watch them go from a small apartment, to a bigger apartment, to a house. My niece's extended family was there to support and help them every step of the way. (I won't give her total S but she came from a very suboptimal situation with her father, and her immediate family (my sister and fam) lived far out of state.

We'll call her XH Andrew. We all adored Andrew. So when they separated in summer of 2016 we were all devastated. Turns out my niece had met someone at work, and had moved on from her MR. She was making terrible decisions, and while it affected Andrew the most, we all were affected by it. Family get-togethers became sad events because while she was ashamed of her behavior she wasn't attending, and of course having separated Andrew wasn't there either. We were all hurt and mourning.

Likely your SiLs are in pain. And while their pain pales in comparison to yours, they still feel a sense of loss. Likely these "attacks" were coming from a place of missing your W and that pain. And while I will not try to defend their actions, I hope understanding that when a spouse goes rogue, the pain they cause is far reaching and affects many more people than most people understand.

My W, D, and I still miss Andrews immensely. As do my other extended family members on my side. Including great aunts and uncles, and cousins, including those 2nd and 3rd removed! Divorce is so ugly because it rips a couple apart, but also rips people we care about out of our lives.

We've actually met with Andrew a couple of times since all of this went down. But it isn't the same. And as things get better between all of us and my niece, she shows her displeasure at our continued contact with Andrew. She lives with her new BF and they have a son. It is hard on all of us, I struggle with treating he BF with the same level of camaraderie that I did Andrew.

I hope this helps, while I know what you went through with your SiLs was difficult, likely that feeling of pain and loss is where it was coming from.

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018