I wonder if I should be her shoulder to cry on. Sounds like getting the benefits of a husband without the necessary reciprocation. She says she "wishes she could change her life". I'm not sure why she can't. WW says she's unhappy with her life. OK crazy lady.
OK well first try to understand this is not REGRET she's pouring out. She is NOT expressing interest in recon. This is just her starting to realize her new life isn't full of unicorns flying through the air pooping Skittles like she thought it would be. She's feeling bad about what she has done, but she still feels JUSTIFIED. So try to keep that in mind. It's a good opportunity to validate like Steve said, but don't use it to try and get your foot back in the door.
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Eventually WW texted me saying thanks for talking and she was sorry to bother me. I just responded "you're welcome".
Perfect.
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Obviously she still has the feels. We'll see if that translates into anything positive for the marriage.
Nope. You misunderstood what was going on. See above.
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and that she's having a hard time. I validate, but find that statement a little annoying.
Validation isn't agreeing, it's just acknowledging her feelings. So you can find it "annoying" without it affecting your validation.
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What the hell is she doing? Why is she coming to me when she's sad?
Probably because you are LISTENING. That's what validation does, it gives the other person the feeling that you are a listener and that you understand and are sympathetic. Basically it's a sign that your DB'ing is WORKING. Instead of being frustrated about it look at it as a baby step and pat yourself on the back!
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I'm gonna type this out while it's fresh. WW woke me up at 11 PM and kept tickling me, then after several minutes got more physical, slapping my head and hitting me with the pillow. She wanted me to get out of the bed. Said I was playing a game and that I should be doing what she wants bc I created this marital mess. I told her it's not a game at all. She's saying that someone told me to do this. I told her several times that it's late and I need to go back to bed. Obviously she didn't care to keep crossing that boundary. She cried several times. Then we talked a little more.
Wow that sounds really passive/ aggressive. Does she have those tendencies?
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She told me I was being controlling and selfish about the bed. She doesn't like the word affair at all and Backdoor admitted to it. At the end of the 2 hour convo she wants to know who all I have told about her affair.
Two HOURS???? No bueno.
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I tell her I don't feel comfortable telling her bc I don't trust her right now. She says that I'm playing a game by saying that, and that she's been open with me and telling me things. I tell her she's not being honest with me, (she didn't admit to the money she's hiding). I say there's still secrets and she assumed I meant the affair so I reminded her that's not what I'm talking about. She didn't tell me anything new, so I didn't know what she meant.
So basically you abandoned your DB'ing and went off the rails. Well that's a big backslide to be sure. Time to get back on the horse. Remember- LISTEN and VALIDATE. Nothing more. This isn't the time for you to share feelings and such.
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I think I need to draw the line on the physical contact and conversation times.
