LW this post kind of bums me out as it has your S going against his Mom this kind of thing will only grow into greater resentment from him to her. NO matter what happens between you and W they need to have a loving relationship and connection for life. I feel like you rewarded him for this kind of behavior which is not good behavior. This creates a bad dynamic of teaming up on W. I am speaking from experience here this is the type of stuff my dad would do when my parents split up and 30 years later I am in therapy to repair the relationship with my mom because of the seed of deceit he planted when I was young.
Ste7e I see your concern. And the rewarding him may have been on the border, but the kid has got to eat, right?
But seriously, I see LW's situation as so much more different than your experience. LW's S has seen through the WAW's deceit to see what is really going on here. That is what LW is proud of. I think LW, due to his love for his S and W would love to see them end up with a healthy stable relationship, no matter what happens with the MR. But at the same time that is up to S and W, not LW. From what he has posted here I see nothing to suggest he has encouraged his S to be angry or upset at his mom. Nor have I seen anything to suggest he is "sowing seeds of deceit" to paint her in a worse light.
What I've seen is an intelligent young man having maturity and understanding beyond his years to realize that his mom is wrong, and is destroying not only her MR but their family. Kids are pretty astute, and left to their own perception they can usually realize who is right and who is wrong. I've seen this with my own D, she has called me out on my past behavior and how it was destructive to both her and my relationship, as well as my MR. All that before she turns 15!
So yes, good to remind LW not to "team up" with S against WAW. But we need to acknowledge from what we know this hasn't occurred to this point.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
