ballast I'll let others weigh in, but I espouse the Biblical view of loving your wife. "Love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for it." That means not fighting with her over minute details of the D. She wants the silverware? Give it to her. She wants the Italian leather couch? Give it to her. Do not turn D discussions into wars. Bend over backwards to accommodate her.
I generally agree but come at it from a different angle. I don't think giving her everything she wants is demonstrating love, at least not to a WAS, and in fact she may see it as weakness. However I do believe in being fair, and if the settlement is a -little- tilted in her favor then it's not worth fighting over. A long court battle can be expensive and extremely stressful, sometimes people will spend tens of thousands on lawyers fighting over a thousand bucks worth of stuff. Neither side is "made whole" in divorce, it's really about finding a middle ground that you can both live with.
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Most are afraid of getting taken to the cleaners, but what is more important? Letting your WAW know that you still love her unconditionally, or getting a bunch of stuff that will have no value in a few years?
Sometimes I'll read a comment like this that reminds me of a famous picture of two people sitting on the floor of a court room dividing up hundreds of Beanie Babies. It's a classic example of two people splitting and fighting over something that a few years later had utterly no value at all. So yeah, fighting over belongings and furnishings can get a little silly sometimes.
Originally Posted By: Accuray
People love linear systems and immediate feedback -- I press the lever and I get a pellet. I can understand that.
I'm asking for a friend, but where can one of these "instant gratification" machines be purchased?
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Relationships are highly entangled, hugely complex organisms laden with long delay feedback loops, outside influences, historic baggage, etc. When relationships break down you want to put your finger on the exact "why" so that you can learn from that, but more importantly take measures to protect yourself from having it happen again.
When you can't figure out the exact why, you can't put a targeted protection plan in place, and therefore you feel exposed.
One of the singular most painful things about this process is never getting to the "why" in any kind of satisfying conclusion.
As always, you have a real gift for explaining fuzzy subjects, nicely said! A huge part of "dropping the rope" is coming to accept that you'll never know "why". I think continuing to ask "why" just leads us down cheeseless tunnels. The first step to accepting is to quit asking the question.
