On your first point, this is not God's will. IN God's plan marriage is for life. The reason he "allows" it is because of free-will. ballast I see you struggle with this a lot in your postings, the fact that you can't control and/or change your wife. She has her own brain to make her own decisions. Unfortunately those decisions affect you and your D.
You mention selfishness. Yes, WWs are the most selfish creatures on the planet. Thus the whole dynamic of "she removed her ring months ago but freaked out about me removing mine last week". Why? She sees that as a threat to her control over you. She wants you as Plan B. That way if all of her current efforts fail she can always come back to you as her Plan B. You removing your ring threatens that. And as the selfish WW that she is now she doesn't like the fact that it limits her choices.
You mention commitment. However, as a LBH you struggle with this like most of us do/did, SHE IS NOT THE WOMAN YOU MARRIED! That woman is gone, maybe never to come back. In her place is this uber-selfish WW that doesn't care about any prior commitments that she has made. Nor whether or not it is okay to lie in order to get what she wants. You have to come to grips with the fact that the person you are dealing with has one thing as their sole purpose now: doing whatever they think will make them happy.
I know you were journaling there, but sometimes it helps to hear things again. I am sure most of what I typed you have heard and read before, but sometimes we have to be reminded of those things. And typing it to you helps me keep the proper perspective in my own sitch.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
