Journaling a bit...so W's silence/anger her just trying to punish/manipulate me I guess. Somehow even just for co-parenting she will have to stop this childish/immature behaviour. We will need to be able to talk for the health/upbringing of our D. Happy that I stayed calm and didn't react to it. Been watching spiritual videos on marriage/divorce. I struggle with how God would allow us to meet, marry, have a precious D and then allow it to be destroyed. I dare not be selfish given the blessings I have, but rectifying that issue is tough.
Also watched one on marriage commitment, how couples have committed before God and family to each other no matter what. Then hearing W say she needs to find herself, what she wants, etc...you were to have done that BEFORE we made the commitment to each other. Completely not saying that marriage once entered into is some prison where folks must surrender their lives, clearly that's crazy, but simply we committed ourselves to each other. How she could throw that away, perhaps she simply never took it as seriously as I did.
Last I watched one on the destructive feeling of selfishness in a marriage. Here again she has clearly vocalized "I need to focus on me, my needs, what I want, etc" Her saying that presently indicates to me that any chance of R is over before it starts unless/until she felt committed more to us rather than herself.
Anyway I don't say these things for more than perspective. Watching them help inform me and make me clearly away of the fact that I can't do anything about our present situation other than take care of myself. Realizing the limits of my ability has helped free me from much of the angst I feel about "not doing".
W is off on another trip starting tomorrow. 5 days of no responsibility, alcohol and acting like she's 25 again. thankfully I'll have my D throughout and we'll have a great time..
thank you all for your comments since my last post!
