The bomb woke me up, but she won't talk

[sandi2]

Wow! I am so impressed with your big 180's. I think you did an excellent job in pulling back......not only from eating meals at her place, but in how you handled the other situations.

I wished I had seen your previous post sooner. I would have warned you that you'd probably experience a down day, following your great progress. I see it happen with almost everyone. You will be so pleased with your accomplishments, and suddenly you'll have a day you feel totally depressed and lonely.

Try to think of these as your "rainy days". We don't hear so much about saving things for a rainy day anymore, but try this as an experiment. You know these days will come, so have something special prepared to do on those days. Save a book you've wanted to read, or call an old buddy, change your usual routine of the day/night (if possible), watch a comedy show, go see an action movie, buy some new clothes, go to a new resturant or cook something special and invite a friend over, etc. In other words, be your best friend on those rainy days. Keep a running list of activities, as they come to mind, and then on the rainy day......you'll have some ideas saved. Some guys notice their hardest part of the day is in the beginning of the morning time. If you have a particular tough time of the day, do something different........like playing big band music, or a motivational speaker on YouTube, or take a walk, etc. Don't watch love stories or sad movies. Don't listen to sad songs.

I am even starting to feel some relief and pleasure, but not at her expense, its more due to me finally remembering how to be the man I really am.

Observing the situation as if you were the third party helps give you a more detached and balanced view point. If you can take pleasure, I think you deserve it. Free the man you are meant to be.

The one question I have ATM is how do I answer when she asks about this pulling back behavior? She has definitely noticed and Im sure the question will come soon. The current answer I have is I am just working on myself and learning to let go.

I don't think I'd tell her you are working on yourself. Too much implication, there. There are some things you just don't share with her. You could say, "I've decided it's time to let go". That makes you sound a little stronger, as if this is your choice.

I turned down another meal there yesterday and turned down calling in after work today

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That must have been really difficult, since you were having a down day. ((hugs))

She has responded by calling more and talking about her work stuff more, not just kids stuff.

That's good. Now, let me warn you of something else that will probably happen. Since you have really pulled back.......I think you can expect her to temp check you. She's wondering what is up with you, and if she doesn't get satisfactory answers (and she shouldn't get them), she will do something to test you to see how much you are still emotionally attached to her/MR.