Moving past the WAW-MCL to a stronger me

[Davide]

V,

You are the best!

Our limited contact has been super friendly in any case. Last week we exchanged text messages and she asked about a colonoscopy I was schedule to have (She actually asked if she could ask about it). I lied and said all good. (The truth was that I cancelled the appointment bc I had no one to wait 3.5 hours in the waiting room for me, but I did not want to lay that guilt trip on her. She is happy to ask about my life, but does not volunteer anything about her own. That is fine, and I never press.

The one thing is that we both seem to be actively avoiding the other. If she knows I am coming by the house for the dog or to pick up the car, she either leaves or just stays in her room. I think she is doing that mainly for my feelings, as she said earlier that she had no problem with that kind of casual contact.

I will definitely be posting pics of my trip on facebook. I might start an instagram account as well since it is more photo oriented. I know my W would love the trip out through national parks and the like, but I do not want to throw it in her face.

In an email shortly after BD she thanked me for "listening to her" since that is exactly what I did. I never stopped listening or tuned her out, I simply could not control my neediness/codependency before. I am definitely working on that part.

I assume that you agree that I should not go to the fundraising party this weekend?

When you say She believed your action here. I would have too. That is why she looks after numero uno as she believes you are doing the same. That is what peeps do in D.

Isnt that what I am supposed to be doing? Showing that I am detached and getting over the R? I ask not to beat myself up about the past but rather to know how to handle such questions in the future. If she asks if I am getting stronger or learning anything, should I give her an honest factual answer?


Ultimately I think you are right about the final points about what she needs to see. I am already a different man than the one she left, and I know that I still have lots more room to grow. I just worry about not having the opportunity to show that. It is probably just a lack of patience from a newbie. I get that.


thanks again. Your perspective and honesty is greatly appreciated.