You're amazing! I've been GALing it up and then nights are the hardest when I think about things too hard. I reread some chapters of DB and DR that helps me relax a bit from overthinking too much.
I feel your pain on the heart emojis and love texts one minute and then the big bomb drop. I know my H had (maybe still has) an EA and it's hard, I wish I could see what he was thinking as well.
I would say just donate to the cause but skip on going to the charity party.
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019