Can I really do this #2

[SteveLW]

JS, as is often said here, D usually happens when the LBS has had enough and files for it themselves. Filing for D is always within your rights, so yes if you this something you want to do D, for whatever reason, then do it.

Sometimes the LBS filing for D is the wakeup call the WAS needs. Until then they may have been using threat of D as a way to try and control the LBS. When the LBS files that is the ultimate show of detachment and sometimes the WAS will panic and want to R.

It is a dangerous time for the LBS. The WAS might just be stalling until Plan A comes together, therefore they don't want to give up Plan B yet. So it is important for you to think about what you'd need her to do in order to prove that she is ready to really R, or if it is just bluster to try and regain control.

I know in my sitch, my contacting a lawyer really sobered up my W that D was more than just a threat. Within a few weeks of me telling her I had spoken to a lawyer, she started to come back to the MR. She started to not only say but to show she was willing to embrace my positive changes and work on the MR. The big change was she began to engage in the homework we got from the MC. Up until that I think she was in MC just to say that "we tried". Once I dropped the lawyer bomb on her she was suddenly all for doing the homework.

So don't use D as a manipulation but realize if you do file for D she might want back into the MR. You just have to make sure she really wants to R and isn't just holding on to Plan B in a panic.