It's always really helpful to read Benito's thread. I feel like sometimes I lose my way and my mind goes on autopilot. There's some really good 2x4s in there and explanations that really flesh out the nuances of the DBing approach, especially in relation to WAWs.
Reading his thread again, and I've read that thread so many times, made me self-reflect a little more today. Sometimes I forget to purposefully create those reflective spaces. I am very good at doing that to see how I am feeling and what I am doing with my kids, but I still need to be more purposeful with myself.
Reading his thread again this morning as I recommended it to another poster and also bumped it up for newbies to read, I realized that my anger is not at the level of slow burn that I want it to be. That my actions still have a strong tinge of anger behind it, which is not allowing me to be more free and mindful of my actions when it comes to W.
I see that my NC/dark and even the small interactions i have with her in person are propelled a little bit more by spite than detachment. I am sure that it probably shows.
So, I have work to do on my end still with the anger and with the ego. And living my life fully and trusting myself.
Reading his thread has given me more food for thought and achieving a genuine manifestation of my personality and putting my improvements and changes through good rigor for myself, not because I think that it will turn anything around. I know that I wasn't doing anything for her, but with my actions colored slightly with anger, i know that I still have to be more proactive about my healing and not just stay on autopilot.
So, I have more homework for myself, which is always good
