Moving past the WAW-MCL to a stronger me

[Davide]

V,

Your comments while greatly appreciated have thrown me into a morass of questioning everything. Up until now I was feeling confident in my path, the actions that I was taking, but now I do not know. I have read so many threads on here, and you are right that the madness and craziness and anger elsewhere I do not see in my situation.

Part of the reason that I thought MLC was because my W told me at one point post-BD that she "was not herself". She also told me that this was not about me, but about her. She took on all the guilt for the breakup and never tried to put any on me. (I definitely took on my own share for sure!) But what you are telling me seems to a) shift more (not all) of the blame onto my shoulders and b) upsets my thoughts that this was a temporary phase that she would eventually snap out of. By considering this temporary madness, I could more readily believe the axiom not to believe anything she says and only 50% of what she does. However, if it isn't that, then the most likely explanation to me seem like she really is just done with R. All of her actions indicate that. I have backed off pursuit entirely and there has been no change in her behavior or attitude towards me.

It makes me wonder if I should have handled the anguished email she sent me a few weeks ago in a different manner. Not responding to that for 5 days and then simply validating and moving on was brutally hard for me. If it was really a temperature check, what does it mean that my lack of response did not elicit any reaction.

Also, just for more context currently my W is living at home surrounded by all the memories of our life together, all of our pictures together, our dog, her garden. But when I get back from the trip she will move out and into an apartment. She made it clear the last time we met that she would not be staying in the house when I came back although that had been an option. I was thinking that perhaps having to leave all of that behind might help her realize what she was throwing away. But I also wondered if being surrounded by all the memories of us and the R was holding her back and continuing to oppress her. Now I do not know.