Well I was thinking if declining because I don't see this going anywhere. She had me at her place, overnight, and absolutely nothing happened. To me that feels like my cue to exit. That was the opportunity I feel. Of course now I'm second guessing myself on that after hearing from you guys here. I'm going to try and set up an actual date...where we go to dinner and out to see a band or something. We're not just sitting at her house again next time.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
You drank too much (I warned you to be careful)... You offered to go to Vegas, she pushed back... She turned down the concert. I don't think she is waiting for you to take initiative... I would step back for now... Give her opportunity to want you as more than a friend...
Thanks Arista but can you see how I am getting all different and oftentimes contradictory advice here. Some say I should take initiative and ask her on a date and some say I should back off. Also confusing is how does WAW possibly think that rejecting me for the concert, and then rejecting the Vegas idea is in ANY way supposed to prompt me to take initiative about our relationship? Isn't asking her to a concert doing exactly that? Isn't offering to go to Vegas when she was clearly hinting at such doing exactly that? Just trying to sort out the confusion here because I feel like some of the advice here is contradictory. Specifically I guess what I'm asking is what exactly do you mean by back off? I don't really do anything to back off from...she has initiated every sinhle thing. In fact I don't text her at all ever. She always finds a reason to text me. Maybe I should change my screen name to "It'sConfusing" LOL!
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Artista and I are saying the similiar things in different ways.
Going to her place getting drunk was not a great idea. Saying let's go watch a band, not drink and I will drop you off early is a good idea. Nor is going away on holiday or for a long weekend.
I am not saying invite W out at all. If and when the opportunity arises don't go round get drunk and sleep on her couch. Go bowling, watch a film, see a band, don't drink and finish early. Be the leader in it.
OK, is that clearer?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks Arista but can you see how I am getting all different and oftentimes contradictory advice here.
I don't read this.
Some say I should take initiative and ask her on a date and some say I should back off.
Read my post above.
Also confusing is how does WAW possibly think that rejecting me for the concert, and then rejecting the Vegas idea is in ANY way supposed to prompt me to take initiative about our relationship?
It isn't supposed to do that.
Isn't asking her to a concert doing exactly that?
No, not when the alternative is getting drunk over a long evening and sleeping on her couch. I think we did say go do something else instead.
Isn't offering to go to Vegas when she was clearly hinting at such doing exactly that? Just trying to sort out the confusion here because I feel like some of the advice here is contradictory.
It isn't.
Specifically I guess what I'm asking is what exactly do you mean by back off? I don't really do anything to back off from...she has initiated every sinhle thing.
Exactly! To be clear when going round isn't moving you forward. STOP! Do something else.
In fact I don't text her at all ever. She always finds a reason to text me. Maybe I should change my screen name to "It'sConfusing" LOL!
---------------------
Is this clear?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
IH, I agree 100% with everything you just said. It is confusing. And I think it is because she is confused. Women are much more guided by their feelings, and likely her feelings are conflicted. Let me go back to compare it to my ex-GF that was so hot and cold it was confusing:
There were times when I would go dark on her. I'd not call or contact her for weeks, even months. Finally she would contact me and she would start asking "why are haven't you called me?" I'd here things like "I miss you so much!" "You are like a drug and I am going through withdrawals!" There were even times she would hint that she wanted some physicality.
So we would set up a meeting. As soon as we got together her feelings would change. Maybe just knowing she could call and set something up was enough. Or maybe I didn't look as good as she had conjured up in her memory. Or maybe it was because she was seeing someone else and her morals kicked in. I have no idea why her feelings would change, but she would retreat.
I remember one time she called me in the fall, and she was all over me talking about how she missed me, and how she was going to break up with her BF and wanted to be with me. And she still thinks about how we kissed all the time and wanted that again. 2 hour local toll (very expensive) call. I didn't hear back from her for 2 weeks. When she called back 2 weeks later it was very formal. I asked her if she broke up with her BF and she said "no, I decided to try to make it work with him." She just acted like the previous call never happened. I told myself I would never fall for that again.
The next fall, on cue, another call just like the first one. This time I wasn't biting. I pretty much ignored every thing she said related to all of the sentimental stuff. Finally she said "I want to come visit you tonight." I said: "Well I have a bunch of errands to run." She said "well call me later, so I know what time to come over." I rolled my eyes, said ok and hung up. I never called her back.
Years later she mentioned that day, and she said: "You never called me back. After we hung up I shaved my legs and everything." The implication was clear, she wanted to come over and, uh, you know.
Here is the thing, I guarantee you, no matter her intentions, if she had come to my apartment that night her feelings would have changed after getting there and it would have been arms length between us all night.
I don't know why some women play that game. But it is terrible to be on the receiving end of it. Let me ask you this, after you talk to her or hang out with her, do you ever feel worse than before you talked or hung out with her? After I would go a while without seeing or talking to her, I thought I wanted to see or talk to her. But afterward I'd always feel bad, like I wish I hadn't see or talked to her.
If you feel that way afterward that could be a bad sign, in my estimation.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks V. So to be clear and concise. If and when she contacts me to hang out the conversation should go something like this then?
WAW: Hey want to hang out tonight?
Me:Sure. How about we go to dinner and then to see Band X at Sam's Bar? I'll pick you up at 8. Sound good?
Then if she declines what do I do? If she says she wants to hang out at her house again? If she says yes then mission accomplished.
Hey Steve, Well inwoudln say I feel bad after leaving her because I am happy to have the chance for her to see me in person and how I've changed. I dress better, look better and wear cologne now. I mention the cologne because WAW mentioned I smelled nice the other night and I forgot to mention that. She also commented on how I'm not pale as I was. I got a tan from working outside last week. Anyway, I don't feel bad after leaving her...just a little disappointed. But once I get back home I get back into the swing of things reminding myself that WAW isn't done with me and that there will be a next time...meaning I fully expect her to initiate contact yet again very soon. So that also prevents me from feeling bad. It's nice to know there will be a next time unlike when she was in Florida. But yeah, your GF you speak of sounds quite similar to my WAW. I just want to know if I should just start dating other people or keep devoting my romantic energies on WAW. The impatient part of me wants to say to hell with WAW and just forget about it...but the other part of me reminds me that WAW is essentially the one making contact every time and that must be for a reason. And that part of me finds it hard to believe it's just to be pals. But as you say, she sends a different name message too. She's a pain in the you know what my friend!
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Just an update. Woke up to a text from WAW. It says "You feeling better I hope." I haven't replied yet.
Oh and thanks a ton V for the detailed advice.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Didn't have a chance to post earlier today but replied to her with "Hey yeah thanks! I was fine once I got home and showered and went to work. Just had to work that tequila out LOL!" She replied with "Ok good lol." I didn't reply again and left it at that.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
