So much of what you write is what I am living, and even foreshadowing. Just today, after what I assume was his first day back at work on a 12 hour shift, he apparently ran right home and felt the need to change the email on a TV streaming account we have had for years. It is in his name and was his email. I got a notice that he changed the email to mine. I then checked my bank account because I was pretty sure this was paying from a card I never use. Lo and behold, he changed the fee from a credit card I have where he was an authorized user to our joint card which I pay. I think he thought he was paying for it. That $13 a month that he mistakenly thought he was paying must have been a huge deal for him. Why he didn't just boot me and the kids from the account is beyond me. The last time he messed with an account like this in December I called him. I think he may have thought I would rage or contact him. I just could care less.
On to your fee issue. Attorney fees are going to be by statute, as interpreted by case law, in accordance with local practice and judicial preferences. Lot of words to say it is up to the judge in your case and no one can really tell you. I practice in a field where we are supposed to have fees to the prevailing party. They are seldom granted. We don't have a loser pays system like our friends across the channel and some judges are loathe to give them.
Speak to your lawyer and follow his advice, but it is often a good idea to ask for the fees, because sometimes you have to ask for them 3 or 4 more times (for new violations) before you get them. Trust me, your H is going to be pushing the limits at every turn and the fee issue is going to keep coming up. In general, when someone compounds litigation through bad faith actions, that is when attorney fees start coming into play. In my very progressive state, my lawyer tells me I have to pay my own fees.
Yes, he wants to control you. Things like taking the actions you took (entirely necessary) are going to cause him to seek retribution. But the good news is that it sounds like you have a great lawyer and the judge is getting a good read on what is going on in your case. I'm sure the boys will be the targets since you are so strong and he has a hard time phasing you. Just make sure to keep them in counseling and watch for what he is doing and document and report it to your lawyer.
Like I said, by filing in court he took away his power. I am still waiting 1.5 years later for the elusive separation contract draft. He keeps telling me it is unfair and he won't be enslaved, but when I ask what he thinks is fair he can't or won't tell me. We are back to threats about selling the house (which the court will not order in our case). It is exhausting, but I keep reminding myself it is just threats. I think I am not responding anymore, at all, regardless of what he does, because that is what he is really after. Were he ever going to file, he wouldn't mess with my money, or my streaming accounts, he'd just file. Sometime I'll share with you my own Costco card story, but I've already overshared here.
