Is there hope?

[Rita]

Yes, I would advise as people are implying here -- don't try to do something to influence her behavior or choices. You have a long haul ahead of you. You probably don't believe that. I didn't either. But you have to keep repeating to yourself like a mantra that nothing you do can change her or bring her back. You can do things to drive her further away but she will only come back when she plays out her fantasy and hits rock bottom. You can wait for the resurrection of your marriage, that is what I am doing and it has been five years. But you have to accept its death as quickly as you can so that you can find all the joy in your life that you can, so you can provide fun and happiness for your kids, etc. I think we all take a long time to accept the reality of the situation, and we all regret the time we wasted obsessing over what the MLCer is doing, saying, thinking. I find it much easier to accept an in-home MLC spouse through my faith; if you don't have faith, it is I think harder because it's extremely difficult and you can't keep assuring yourself that you can do it with God's help because it's what God wants. But I personally think it is better for the kids to have both parents there if you can manage to keep being happy and strong for your kids.