Moving past the WAW-MCL to a stronger me

[Davide]

Vanilla, I cannot even tell you how happy I am to hear from you. In terms of the old R being over, I told her that a month ago. That aint ever coming back. I know that very well.

In regards to waywardness I do not know what to think. Maia and Cadet and all the Sandi threads were causing me to look back at all of her actions and words, looking for signs of it. I am still relatively convinced this is a premature MLC as she obsessed about getting older and could not handle being in her 30s. She has definitely reverted to some teenage behaviors in terms of working out and being obsessed with her social life. She definitely chafed at my neediness and the little control I exerted over her. Her rebellion was limited to things like staying out on Saturday afternoons w. Friends and not making back in time for our unspoken but traditional Saturday night dinner out. She also did on 4-5 ocasions come home at 2 or 3 am from a party at friends (I know it was not an A). When I called her out on this behavior she was a little defensive but recognized that it was not cool to me. We even joked about how little possessiveness or control I tried to exert over her, it was one of the the things that attracted her to me. I do think my growing neediness dye to depression and abandonment anxiety put a big burden on her. Her heart never fully hardened to me. She was always conflicted between her love and these new desires. In a way I think she began to think of me like her father, who she is very close to, but whom she rebelled against as a teen.

V, I would love to hear your thoughts on that.

Regardless, I am going to continue on the path of DB, GAL, 180s, and NC. She is on her journey and I am on mine. I feel like I am already a 100 percent better person than I was in the months before BD. This snapped me out of the stupor of depression and lighted me a new path. Day by day I am growing stronger, more mindful, more in control of my emotions, more assertive. I like the new me a helluva lot better than the old version. And ultimately my opinion is what matters most.