She knows I've been reading...

[sandi2]

Of course, I don't think it's bad to apologize when I do something I feel is wrong. But I definitely need to apologize less.

An apology, for some men with NGS, is their go-to tool to fix whatever may be wrong with the W at that moment. If she's upset, he thinks he must have unknowly done something to upset her. Even if she won't tell him, he sees apologizing as a way of making her feel better. It becomes a pattern in their relationship. All she has to do is give him the cold shoulder, and he'll start apologizing. The W will use this method to manipulate him, and it keeps him in a submissive position. He's trying to get in the good graces of his W, and she's holding him at arms length. This is unattractive and she'll lose her desire for him, as this becomes a big part of the dynamics in the MR.

I found out that lately she's been taking our son to the sitter and asking the sitter (who is my neighbor) if I'm "handling everything okay". Of course the sitter tells her that "given the circumstances, it seems that he is".

I don't know if that's good or bad, honestly. She seems to be more concerned about me lately, but I can't tell if she just wants me to be okay or if she's REALLY concerned about my well-being.

Are you saying you want her to think you are falling apart? Do you see it drawing her back? If she came back out of concern for your well-being, she would not be attracted to you as a man. She needs to admire you and see you strong & independent, instead of co-dependent and crippled.

The other day, before she left town, she stopped by a second time...after I had broken down. She asked if I was okay. I had been fine earlier that morning, I just told her I was having a rough day. I tried not to go into detail.

You absolutely must not break down in front of her, or the neighbor, or any of her friends. Do your crying in private.

A man should never want his W to return to him out of concern, pity, guilt, or shame.

In the meantime, I'm trying to have fun on a negative budget. Heh. BUT...at least I've made a few new friends, and overall I've been happier a bit lately.

That's great! At least you are putting forth the effort. Based on reports from other LBS, when they GAL for real, they started feeling much better about themselves as individuals. I think it progress in your personal life.