I totally messed up. I was caught snooping. I lied about it but then I admitted that I was looking for a diary she wrote me about us that she would share with me. I apologized and she was not happy. Am I done? Deal breaker. Any advice?
I totally messed up. I was caught snooping. I lied about it but then I admitted that I was looking for a diary she wrote me about us that she would share with me. I apologized and she was not happy. Am I done? Deal breaker. Any advice?
No. You are not done. While this isn't good it is a small problem compared to the other problems in your MR. But snooping shows you have not come close to detaching. So you have work to do.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
B8, we always think our circumstances make DBing more difficult. Truth is that it is hard no matter what the circumstances are surrounding our particular sitch.
Living under the sane roof affords us both opportunities and trials. Opportunities to detach, 180, GAL and be the best that we can be with fast results, since our WAS is there and can see all that happening.
It has lots of trials too though watching our WAS go through the stages and moods and feelings. Those challenge our detachment and can set us back at times.
However self differentiation is mandatory in a MR in order for it to be healthy and successful. So keep working at it. and remember you have no control over her but total control over you.
You got this! Read the detachment thread again. Study sandi's rules. And do better from this point forward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thank you, Steve. Your words give me hope. I just thought my lying about looking through her stuff, then basically admitting that I missed how we were was a dealbreaker. I said I should have just asked her. I was doing so well and a lapse in judgement makes me mad. I keep telling her I will not object if she files, and she has yet, but I fear this breaks the camels back.
I feel so bad. I wrote WAW a note apologizing for my actions. She took it but I believe I took so many steps back after months of progress. How can she trust me now? I told her the truth but now shell use what I did against me.
you apologized?? For what? Wanting to know What is going on with your wife? Dude that is some weak NGS stuff there. You are going to push her right out the door. No more apology letters. Fine your inner alpha male. sandi's rules. get them memorized and do them.
you're so worried about hyer trusting you that you've not considered whether you can trust her or not.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You are right. I only apologized because being deceitful is not me. For the past 9 months, I have been doing Sandis rules. Just a momentary lapse in judgement.
