The bomb woke me up, but she won't talk

[lusa]

Being honest with ourselves and facing our fears is a big step. Its okay to be afraid. Just dont allow the fear to paralyze your actions. Might I suggest you set a few goals to challenge yourself. This coming week, see how many times you can turn down her offers to stay for meals. Deal?

Youve got a deal Sandi

I really appreciate your input on my sitch, and feel my respect for you has given me accountability to you and myself. Ive trusted and started this process, whilst still living with the fear of it. So far Ive given myself 1 point for each of my following actions:

When I went to pick up S13 on Saturday night, he asked if I could wait and watch football on the sports channel with him. Instead of using it as an excuse to stay longer at her house I persuaded him to come with me and it would be just as good listening on the radio at my house. We left earlier than expected and W was surprised.

W is training to walk a marathon, which is quite a feat considering her physical situation ATM. She walked 20 miles on Sunday and with a mile to go she texted that it would be fine for me to bring S13 back to her house and wait for her, I think she wanted us to cheer her home. I resisted and brought him much later. When I brought him back, I checked she was ok after her long walk and then politely left. This is such a 180 on my previous fawning behavior of asking what she needed, preparing meals and even massaging her feet.

Later that evening she called a few times and then texted for advice she could get from anyone and to see if I would be her errand boy. Instead of eagerly replying I simply turned my phone off and continued GALing with my guitar buddy.

D10 is returning from a school trip today and instead of all going to greet her as previously discussed I said I would come over later and pick her up, so she could have a couple of hours daddy time on her own. Normally Id have jumped at the chance to greet her together and spend the subsequent hours at her house.

When arranging for me to take S13 to see a movie on Thu night W has mentioned a few times that she will cook burgers, presuming I will come straight from work and eat as family like we often do. The first time I just automatically said ok, this morning I said, please just feed the kids as normal and Ill come and pick him up when its time to leave the house.

I make that 5 points already this week, and its only Monday. I only started this 36 hours ago and I am already starting to see the dynamic shift and to feel her pursuit for the first time. I am even starting to feel some relief and pleasure, but not at her expense, its more due to me finally remembering how to be the man I really am.

I have many questions that I never post as the more I read, the more answers come. Especially through the five threads on LBH dealing with WW spouses. The one question I have ATM is how do I answer when she asks about this pulling back behavior? She has definitely noticed and Im sure the question will come soon. The current answer I have is I am just working on myself and learning to let go.