Bttrfly, hello my darling friend, I am so happy to hear from you.
Yes, I see your point and mirrors what job has pointed out. I am perhaps sensitive to the "matter of fact" brutality of his words when he left both times, the possiblity he thinks differently from that now is hard to imagine; had this been round 1 I probably would be giving him a pass, but once bitten, twice shy as they say. I know that this is something I should to do, a brick that needs to put in its place and then I can figure out where I am and what I need.
This morning I have been talking to my ex colleague at the party hire, she said she feels my boss would be more than happy to have me back, that he completely understood my reasons for leaving and was 100% behind them, so call him and ask.I haven't done that yet, I think I need to lay this h thing to rest before I make another bold move.
At the time I needed to give everything up in order to have no fall back, that way I would have no choice to deal with everything. I actually enjoyed (most days lol) my job, it gave me elements of everything, creativity, responsibility and planning, it pushed me and it was fluid, I was able to run with my ideas. Unfortunately I was so unhappy and unsettled that I did not enjoy it as much as I feel I would now. On top of that I have seen how insular I have become and I turned my back on nurturing friendships as I was just in so much pain all I saw was other people having happy lives and mine was in turmoil. But for those who have pushed on and made sure they continued to be in my life, I feel very blessed and humbled that they saw me struggling and would not let me push them away. The main ones have surprised me and they are the new friendships that i forged where I used to live.
So to answer your question, it is possible that going full circle is where I would be happiest .... for now, as who knows what the future will bring .... I have friends there, it is warmer lol, and there is a bigger industry to get work, its familiar and I actually miss it. But as I also mentioned previously, I am concerned that I am making one decision after another and its just causing continual chaos in my life. If I say i am heading back to the North then I have to stop and stay and build a life there, no more running around.
