On the road to new adventures ........

[bttrfly]

Hi my love,
I will have more to say later, but for now, here are some quick thoughts:

1. If I'd blown up your world twice, I'd avoid you like the plague out of both guilt and shame for my behavior.

2. Right now the main thing is where do you want to live? Do you want to stay in NZ or do you want to go back to the UK where your friend had offered you a position a while ago. Is there someplace close to the boys that has greater employment opportunities?

3. In my experience the harder I've tried to stop loving someone, the closer the ties seemed to bind me. It has only been by focusing on my own life that the pain has become bearable. As for my love for exh - well, I'm sure that's still there, buried. It comes to the surface every so often, crashing like a wave on the beach then retreating again. This trip has stripped away a lot of layers and you're uncomfortable right now because your newborn skin hasn't had a chance to get tough yet. It will. Take this time to figure out who Lou is, separate from Mom, wife, partner. What are your core values? What makes you who you are? What's left? Build on that foundation. Trust me when I tell you that it will be rock solid.

Yes the black and white business reality of our situations is both stomach churning and scary. But denying it is more frightening and dangerous, I believe.

Lou it won't always be this way, I promise you. I wish I had more to offer right now, but I don't so will just end with a hug xoxoxoxoxo