Andrew - It is good to hear from you my friend, I see you have jumped over to another forum so thank you for checking in and taking the time to write to me. As always very much appreciated.
Yes I am stressed, but I did put myself in this position. I felt like I was dying inside and had an overwhelming need to be on my own and have a meltdown, something I had not really had the opportunity to do once he left after BD2. It was not the most sensible of moves and made from a very bad head space but its done now so time to get myself out of this pit.
I came from a small village, smaller than the town I am currently living in, so I am used to being rural, but this town really has nothing going for it, yes I completely agree it is who you know not what you know, but unfortunately they are big on casual and part time work here and that is not going to work for me. You get taxed heavily on a second job so even if I managed to marry two part time jobs together the income would be less than a full time. Its an area that I really should have thought about first, hindsight is a wonderful thing, I can see that I have not been in a clear headsapce for a long time.
As for Government help, I actually registered this morning for a client number with the thought of applying for Job Seeker Allowance, I had started the forms and up popped my h name as my registered partner, I had to answer a lot of questions about him and our current status, which proved a stomach churning ordeal for me, it there in black and white all business like. Then went on to why I need to apply for assistance, and turns out I have to be unemployed for 13 weeks and they take it from the date my holiday pay finished so really that was that, I cant apply yet. I have enough to get me to that point, but feel that I will have decided that staying here is not possible by then.
job - thank you, keep it simple, got it. I haven't done anything yet, I am not sure if I can. The knowledge I could possibly make this worse keeps me from saying hello. If you are right then the only one who can make the first move is me, but I consider the fact that perhaps he is fine, has someone else in his life now and just feels guilt for causing me pain, nothing more, he is (was) a caring guy to everyone around him, he has already said "I care about you, I care how you are" in an email last year and if he really wanted to come back in my life would he not test the waters himself? lol, I recall having this conversation before !! I know that there is only one way to find out ........
