We have been experiencing some issues w/the forum for about 3-4 weeks and we have found that using special characters and long postings don't always come through to be posted.
I am so sorry to read that you are having some really downer days. You have experienced quite a bit since going on your adventure and that is what it was...an adventure. You've learned a lot about yourself and have begun to face many challenges that you will need to go through and not around them in order to get to the other side.
I am glad you are at your son's place. Now, about your h, you are looking at his visit and him staying an hour away as him not wanting to see you. I, may be wrong, but I don't see it that way. I see him as giving you your space and him not wanting to upset you since his last try at reconciling w/you. I'm not a mind reader, but I wouldn't think he can't stand to be around you at all. If he didn't have feelings for you, he wouldn't inquire about you. Maybe he doesn't know how to reach out you after that failed reconciliation. Maybe he's waiting for you to give him a sign that you would be willing to talk to him. MLCers are like scared colts in a field. One sudden move and they are off running away from the person trying to pet them. He doesn't know how you feel and he's scared of being rejected by you. I know, he rejected the reconciliation...but he's had plenty of time to grow up just a bit.
Lou, if you feel up to it, drop some bread crumbs and see if he'll respond to you.
I hope you feel better soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
