Afraid of the dark PART 3

[sandi2]

I guess yesterday and the night before I made the terrible call, I was thinking I could reason and showing that I was fighting for the M would be seen as a romantic gesture like in the movies.

I wish it was that way IRL. First of all, a wayward is not logical, so that means if you try to reason with her.....she's going to fight you. Second of all, those romantic movies aren't dealing with a wayward, nor is reality like the movies. Trust me, I nievely thought that way for years, and had to learn the hard way. Thirdly, she does not want you fighting for the marriage. The way you currently see fighting for your M, is actually you fighting what she wants.......and the results are you and WW fighting each other. That's what it boils down to, when people say they want to "fight" for their M. I want to challenge you to think of fighting for your M in a brand new way. Okay?

And like she said in the conversation the next day is that she wants me to sign because she is afraid I will retaliate in the D in some way vs an amicable non contested split.

All she wants right now is the D, so any other moves to show her how much you still care and want the MR, is useless. However, this statement about her being afraid you will retaliate is an old WW trick. It's her way of trying to manipulate you from protecting yourself in the D proceedings. She wants everything she can get, and doesn't want any protest from you. She knows good & well you still love her, and she figures you are vulnerable enough to give her anything she asks......even if only a signature.

I am willing to sign to show her that is not my intention and maybe make a gesture to help her regain some trust in me

First of all, you have things turned around backward. She is the one who betrayed the trust in the MR. Right? So then why do you feel you have to do something to prove she can trust you? I'll tell you why. B/c this is how waywards manipulate. They will twist & turn the truth and play on the feelings of the LBH. Get your head on straight. She deceived you. She is in an affair. She broke the trust, not you. She is trying to manipulate you into signing the D papers for her.

Although I don't understand why she doesn't trust me, which hurts alot cause I am a very open and honest and non vindictive person

Exactly!

But it suggests to me that I am doing something which makes her not trust me. Its just so hard because I feel like signing is also saying I give up and that my M and any hope of Rec. is evaporating in front of me.

The key word there is "suggests". This all came from her manipulation. I want you to stop seeing yourself the way she is trying to paint you. You know what kind of man you are, so don't listen to her twisted accusations.

I can also see how the in person we had before the call where I was detached and following your rules actually worked alot better. Even though it was about something I didn't want to happen how I handled it was a 180 and if I had just stayed the course and went home and cried my eyes out for a day I wouldn't have lost the 16 days of forward momentum I had gained. Instead here I am at day #1 again argh

Your biggest enemy is not your WW, or the OM, or a divorce. Your biggest enemy is your emotions. You cannot rely on them, and you certainly cannot allow them to dictate your actions. Stop following your feelings while you go through this crisis. Okay?