Hi Cil, yes labels can often cause more problems. I hate the pigeonholing that labels often bring. What I'm about to say will seem odd coming from someone who has always needed to figure it out/understand it before I could move on, but maybe this is the gift of being left: acceptance of what is. The whys and wherefores don't really matter. Knowing the answer to the why question doesn't change the situation, nor does it invest anyone with the ability to change it. Only the person going through the trauma can truly pull themselves out of it.

I hope that made sense - it's really really early here so this is more soc than well thought out observations.

I guess I'd say try not to analyze your relationship with exh and just accept it. The connection is deep and obvious to anyone reading your posts. reciprocated.

Plant your roses. Visit with your friends. Do you. If he's meant to be part of your life it will be revealed at the right time.

I always love reading your posts. xoxoxo hugs

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver