MLC with regret? Artista?

[Davide]

Job,

Thanks for the reply! For my W this definitely seemed brought on by turning 30. She has serious issues with aging, getting older, losing her youth. That was apparent earlier in our relationship, but it worsened greatly after 30. Does that make a difference in terms of how I treat her? I am in full-blown LTR, NC, 180s, and GALing. I have not had much of a chance to validate, but I have in the limited opps.

She certainly could have an EA with someone in her own country, but I doubt it. If anything, it would be with one of the climbers she hangs out with. That said, I have no reason to think that she is lying. Like I said, her reaction to this was to accept full responsibility and not pin anything on me (despite my codependency issues). Anything is possible for sure.

I have been monitoring our shared credit cards regularly, but she only uses those to buy gas. All of her other purchases are on her personal card, which I get for her privacy. I monitor our shared bank accounts, and can see that she has spent 1800 dollars over the past two months - mainly on a trip to NYC, I believe. If that number goes up significantly in the next month I will have to ask her about it.

Would you recommend separating accounts? I didn't want to take any of those steps because I feel like they are for her to take. We have discussed her buying a car, since I am taking the only one we have for the whole summer, and we set a budget. She also will need to pay for an apartment when she moves out and I come back. Her salary alone would only allow her to share with someone, but we have a good bit of accumulated savings (which I assume we will end up splitting in half).

I am still interested in hearing about my original question. Does it happen that people in MLC take responsibility for their actions even as they feel compelled to do them? That they actually bear the weight of their guilt? So much of what I seem to read on here is the exact opposite, WS who are hurl vitriol and blame on the LBS, or wallow in self-pity for the way they have been treated.