When things need doing that she hasn't done before like setting up or emptying the pool we have, she'll ask me what to do, I'll explain and then she'll do it herself. I'm not going to read too much into this now, but I'll just take on-board that she doesn't want me to do things for her around the house ATM. I resisted bringing in the trash bins from the front of the house, like I've been doing recently and tidying the kitchen and just let her do it all herself whilst I played with the kids.
I don't think it is your W who has a problem about you not doing something for her. I think it is YOU, who has the problem. IDK, maybe acts of service is your love language. Why do you have to "resist" bringing in the trash bins and tidying up the kitchen? Maybe you should examine yourself as to why you have this strong need.
If your W is really wanting to show her independence, she might resent you doing everything for her. Grant it, most W's won't complain that they have nothing to do when they get home, but I feel it is a big mistake for a H to do everything for her. And if they are separated, it's a big no-no.
You have not really separated from her. You use the kids as your excuse to be over there as much as you are. I am not saying you don't love or want the best for your kids. Lots of fathers say they do this for the sake of the kids.......but it's really for the sake of the H's feelings. You are not giving her a chance to see how a real separation looks. You are getting better, by turning lose of some of the work. Now, you need to stop eating meals "as a family" over there, and staying most of the time at her house. It is hard on you and the kids, yes. But you have to think about the end results and doing something unpleasant short term in order to have better results long term.
Are you preparing the evening meals for the family? If so, is there any reason why she can't do it?
I strongly suggest you start spending at least one day per week GAL. This will help your growth. You can also take the kids to do things with you. You can spend time with them other places than her house.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
