Affair discovered

[STH17]

Right now it is in-house separation, but it was out-of-house separation with me staying with friends from Dec. to Feb. During that time I would still pick up son to take him to preschool twice a week and visit him most evenings, then leave after putting him to bed. I "asked for what I wanted", to come back to the house, when I thought W was ready for it.

Let me guess, she is addicted to FB. I bet she shares these type of sayings throughout each day. What if she meant to hit you smack in the face with it? Now what? Will it change anything?

Yeah she's on FB all day long. She says it helps soothe her, especially if she is feeling anxious while we are having a conversation and I'm taking a while to respond. That's always bothered me, but my own therapist says I should let it go and not be controlling by asking her to put the phone down while we're talking. She posts things like that when she is more depressed or angry at me.

I think it's time for me to take the emotional abuse problem more seriously. There is no denying W feels abused by me. I just found a book I want to get from the library: The emotionally abusive relationship: how to stop being abused and how to stop abusing, by Beverly Engel. I shouldn't be trying to save my marriage without really focusing on eliminating all behavior of mine that may be emotionally abusive. And that's going to require an apology letter. I don't know when, I wish I'd done it already, but that probably still would have been premature, which is why I haven't done anything yet. And as W has said, I should not be asking her to have a better marriage with me without me first making amends for the abuse she has felt. Even if I do that, she doesn't owe me a second chance or anything. Our marriage is just over. Seems like I might as well file jointly.