Afraid of the dark

[Ste7e]

ok so I called W again to tell her I was going out of town for a couple days to clear my head.
Very different conversation today
I said that I would be willing to sign whatever she needed.
But that what I wanted was to honor what we had and be able to spend actual time together and do fun things which like we used to do and not talk about the D stuff or my job stuff when we do it.
She said that is what she wants to do to but needs the D so that we can do that.
She also said that she feels trapped and fearful that she is going to say something to me that I will retaliate in some way with in the D which is why she is pushing hard for the D so that it is behind us and that fear goes away.
I validated and said that that is never my intention and if that is coming across I apologize.
She also said that my call last night was traumatic as I was just emotionally spewing all over her and that alot of the things I was feeling was not about her but my own traumas and childhood.
And that she suggested that I should journal my emotions instead and that if I still have focused emotional things I wante dto talk about she would talk about them, but that she felt after I journaled i would see these emotions were not about her but about me.
She also acknowledged that I was hurting and she said that she is hurting too.
The big take aways for me are that first off she doesn't trust me and second that she feels trapped in M and also trapped in the D. I don't know what I am putting out there which makes her feel this way, and I also acknowledge that maybe that is all coming from inside her.
Is there possibility that she wants a R with me in the future but just can't handle the mental confines of M? Did the constructs of M make a good relationship bad?