Thanks for the responses. I have started a new treatment that has me very tired and weak, so I have not been able to keep up with my thread very much.
On the debate of whether MLC is real or not, I do believe it is, but I don't know if that's what is going on with my H. Because he has vanished and makes no attempt to do any of the anchor checking and doesn't seem to care to check if I'm "right where he left me" (which I'm not).
The bottom line is he left our marriage by simply walking out and not even bothering to divorce me. Not just not bothering to divorce me, he actively avoided it and is now hiding from it.
The fact that he was more of a clinger for a while and then vanished only made things more confusing.
His selfishness is most evident in the fact that he would disappear and cause more pain and stress for me at a time when I am battling cancer. It's more stress because due to the financial hole he left me in and the fact that the end of our marriage is still hanging over my head because we are in fact still married.
The fact that he can still be living his life and having fun times and building his new career proves he doesn't care what he's done to me and all that matters to him is himself. I don't see that changing since it's just gotten worse as time has gone on.
His reason for avoiding divorce is a mystery and I'll never know the reason. Speculating does me no good because I'll never know if what I think is correct and no answer makes me feel any better about it.
The fact is this is pathological selfishness. And if you Google "pathological selfishness," you'll get millions of articles about narcissists. If you Google husbands who vanish and cut off contact, you'll get millions of articles about narcissists.
He's a very unhealthy person and it's unhealthy for me to have him in my life. And yet in a sense, he's maintaining control of being in my life because he knows I'm financially destitute and can't divorce him. So he'll remain the ghost I'm married to until I get well enough to get back on my feet and take the responsibility of legally ending our marriage.
I never dreamed my marriage would end, and I definitely never dreamed it would end badly. I've seen marriages that end with so much bitterness and anger and hatred and I never, ever thought that would happen to me, even if the bitterness and anger and hatred is only on H's side. (And even in then, I'm only assuming he feels bitterness and anger and hatred because he disappeared and I don't know what he feels.)
The only thing I can hold onto is the fact that I have been kind and compassionate (although I have told it like it is when needed), I've completely ignored OW as if she doesn't exist, and I have taken the high road at all times. At least I can look myself in the mirror and feel good about the way I have behaved.
