Afraid of the dark

[Ste7e]

But 6 months to a year from now I will be D ... hell in 2 months from now I will be D. Whats the point at the that stage.
I am at least going to get out of town for a couple days to clear my head and not do anything rash.
God I just feel like I so blew it last night by calling, I had to assert myself as I thought that maybe she wants me to fight for the R as I had been relatively passive up to that point and if I am not dealing with a WW the moving on approach wasn't working. Every tunnel feels cheeseless I just wish there was something I could actually do to get a result to stand on. I push she shuts down, I go NC she starts D paperwork. She hasn't given any of this the time for her to have a change of heart or miss me. And as I stand for the M she just doesn't care. I deserve a damn chance I deserve that she respects what we had to at least try. I know that is wishful thinking but isn't that how a rationale person would have handled this at least try?