In the past and even now my default when someone treated me bad was and is - what is wrong with me. I would almost feel at fault immediately. Now prior to this relationship my longest lasting relationship was 3 years. I was in several relationships before my W
This is not a healthy mindset, and I could probably guess at the dynamics in your relationships and hit it pretty close.
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Every woman who is in a female-male relationship wants a dominant man. Not domineering, but dominant. If you don't know what I mean, google how to be a dominant man in your relationship, or how a husband acts like a dominant male in marriage.
I'm having trouble grasping this because one of my W biggest complaints was that I was too controlling. That things had to be done my way. Is not dominant? I'm not sure what to make of this.
A dominent male is not the same as a controlling man. Google how to be dominant man in marriage.
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In regards to GAL - I'm getting closer to finding new employment
GAL = getting a life. It has absolutely nothing to do with work. It is having fun, doing enjoyable things for yourself, engaging in activities you like......all apart from your W. You can hang out with buddies, go to the movies, workout at the gym, take a trip, go rock climbing.......whatever you want. But it can't be associated with your W.
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In regard to her hearing about my GAL- I just found out that my W goes out regularly with my SIL ( my oldest brothers wife). They would talk at parties but I find out now that they go out on a regular basis. They were never really close before- why do you think this happened?
Waywardness brings new friends into her life, b/c her lifestyle, morals, and code of conduct has changed.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Woke up early said my prayers . Prepared for my interview. I nailed my second interview and they said the would reach out to me with something in a day or two. I also have 2 interview requests for next week. Had a good workout at the gym- took my dog for a good walk thru the trails. And ate healthy. No word from W ..onto the next day - hopefully some good rest!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Keep it up. Nothing like success feeding on success!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Wolf, the hardest part of DB is learning to not trust your intuition and trust the plan. No, I have not perfected it. Not even close. But I do see the value. I see it because I tried it the other way years ago.
Don't chase and start becoming the kind of person that the kind of person that you want to be with, would want to be with.
Congratulations on the job front. This is not the only missing piece of the puzzle. Time to look within. This applies to me too.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Woke up early said my prayers . Prepared for my interview. I nailed my second interview and they said the would reach out to me with something in a day or two. I also have 2 interview requests for next week. Had a good workout at the gym- took my dog for a good walk thru the trails. And ate healthy. No word from W ..onto the next day - hopefully some good rest!
LW, one of the things I really think helped turn my sitch around was my success at work. My 2017 performance review was off the chart resulting a huge financial gains, and then right on the heels of that I got promoted. You could see the providence of God involved in both of those since I actually I had a much better 2016 than 2017. And then the position that I got promoted into seem to materialize out of thin air.
So do not underestimate the impact this can have on your W and MR.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes, inviting her to anything is big time pursuit. Let me tell what pursuit looks like to a WW. Any show of interest from the H, is pursuit in the opinion of a WW. Any sign of concern for her.....with very few exceptions (when living under the same roof and she is too sick to cook herself some soup, it would be okay for him to fix some soup). Trying to just be friendly, can be interpreted as pursuit. The H who tries to comfort or show empathy for his WW, can be misunderstood as pursuing. When the H warmly engages in a conversation, the WW can see it as pursuit, if he gets too wordy or tries to carry on too long with the conversation. Initiating calls, text messages, emails, etc........or even responding with "wordy" texts, is a common mistake. Many talkative H's have to be very careful about using too many words. Sometimes, even a smile can be interpreted as pursuit.......like if you seem too excited to see her. Some of these actions may not be your definition of pursuit, or even an example given in a dictionary, ....... however, it would considered pursuing behavior to the WW. This is based on my own personal experience, what I have read and heard from other WW's, the information I've researched about wayward (or hard hearted) wives, and the countless stories I have read for the past eleven years.
WOW! Sometimes I read something here so on-point that I copy it to a notes file to paste to people in the future when I think the words are better than anything I could come up with. This is one of those times!
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
RR please don't put the walkaway and the wayward together. Cheaters cheat because they are entitled jerks, they have scrambled eggs for brains. Walkaways are usually more depressed and are thoughtful.
Very, very true and even as long as I've been here I'm guilty of using the terms interchangeably sometimes.
Originally Posted By: LoneWlf
A couple months ago my W went ahead withdrew over 15k from our savings account( about half).
Was this with or without your permission? Did she indicate she was leaving the other half for you and just withdrawing "her" half? If so then tell her you are transferring the rest to your personal account and that you want to go ahead and close the joint account. But if she did it in secret and you think that telling her this may result in her quickly withdrawing the rest, then talk to a L and determine the best legal course of action.
As far as calling or texting, text so that you have a paper trail.
Sandi2 , Vanilla , Another Stander, RR17, Steve85,Davide -WOW talk about having the A TEAM on your side. Thanks for all the encouragement and valuable input.
Update- NC with W had a good day with S last nite we grabbed a pizza and watched a movie that he wanted. Just nice to hang out with him and the dog. At certain times felt a little off because W was not there. Friday nite was our family movie nite where we would lay down a picnic blanket and eat in front of the tv. Today I spend time with my family because it is my nieces birthday.
One question I do have now is that although my W was very cold in regards to intimacy. I always felt rejected and unloved. It seemed as if she was not into it but what she constantly did was read Nora Roberts romance novels. After picking up a book and reading a couple pages it seems like soft porn. Why could she not transfer her desires to me?
Help me to understand- Thanks
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Vanilla that rings so true- I'm not bragging but when we made love my first and only priority was that my W was well loved and taken care of. Man do I miss that !! When oi would reach out to her- she would often make excuses... Thanks for helping me to understand.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
You deserve an R that's reciprocal on this aspect. My aged ma and aged pa had an intimate R until mum in her late 80s had dementia and aged pa felt she couldn't consent properly.
That's sex into really late in life. Why? Because it's part of intimacy and love. It's connection. It's flourishing in life and they did.
So now you have a deal breaker for you in an R.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
