Withdrawal, The Worst Stage Yet?

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DnJ, Gordie, Brubeck-- It's pretty amazing that for a long time I left these boards because they made me feel worse. Now that I am in BD 2 zone, I started lurking again, then posting, now I eagerly look at my thread to see if any my friends checked in. THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking so much time to think about me and care about me and give me such helpful and non-judgemental but compassionate advice. It is sustaining me so much right now. I sometimes go back to my thread and just reread what you all wrote as a break from the nine millions jobs.

One thing I didn't mention is that I am my own lawyer in state supreme court right now because the evil dudes that bought my biz never paid me and won't apply for their own lease. They are kind of like the biz version of MLCers. A lot of the MLC and biz debt I expected to pay off with their payment never got paid, and that is one reason why I am such a sinking ship. Well, I mean, if you don't count MLC and having zero contribution from my H since before BD 1. So in between my jobs, I often end up in court, defending myself against more evil. But the funny thing is that in that realm where I started out so scared, I have gotten very confident and savvy and win a victory in every appearance. The court attorney even demanded a settlement conference in June and demanded that they apply for their own lease two weeks before the conference so we'd have an answer from the landlord by then. So I just have to figure out how low I am willing to go. And you know what's kind of miraculous -- when I filed the first TRO, to get them to pay back rent and taxes and not abandon the space, my assigned judge was out of town and I got sent to another court. It was divorce court. And my prayer partner sent me a prayer that justice would rain down on me. And the judge signed my order and was kind to me. And I walked out and it was raining. It was a real God moment, telling me yes, I am here for you and I even want to show you I am here in divorce court!

Anyway I want to respond to all your amazing thoughts but I am working too much til next week so it will have to wait. Lots of good ideas and good thoughts here though I really don't know how to do some of what you are saying without going to court myself. But I will read through what you all wrote some more and write again soon. THANK YOU for being my friends here, the support is so wonderful, gets me all teary and I hope I can do the same for you.

Oh and by the way -- my brother came this morning to do school work and a school application with my son. My son was TOTALLY different with him and got work done. Then my dad came into town, he is 91. My son has been so wonderful all day and just DRINKING up the masculine love he is getting. My H fortunately was too scared to be here and went upstate. So I am enjoying a couple days of normal family life and love, it is so freeing! When I think of my H returning, I admit, I am sick at heart. But leaning on God.

OK now I really will sign off and go back to work.