Yes. The main reason that I stopped the medication was because of the nearly non-stop panic attacks that I was having. Being off of the medication has been a really great thing as far as reducing them. I have an appointment on the 29th. If I can make it to the appointment (money has been a major issue lately), then I'm going to talk to the doctor about perhaps a lower dosage to help with focus, but not a top-end dose.
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If you have anger issues, then take anger management. Take a course in how to fight fairly, or keeping respectable communication. It's going to be difficult to show a lot of respect for her when she is not demonstrating very respectable standards in her life. I'm just saying that it's not just your side of the street that needs cleaning. However, I do agree that this part is up to you.
Well said. I don't really have anger issues, at least none that I can see. When I do argue back, I tend to leave out the sugary coating and just deliver facts. One of the problems is that it feels like either way, sugar coated or not, she feels that if I'm disagreeing that I'm actually arguing. I'm learning to just listen, disagree, but not necessarily try to "win" the argument. That seems to be helping except in some rare instances.
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Based on her answer I'd get into MC immediately. If she won't go then go without her.
I've had one counseling appointment so far that I've been to. I set up a followup, but didn't have the money to go to it. I found another therapist, and followed their instructions for setting up a session, but I didn't get a call back to set one up...even after I tried to call them again.
Part of the problem that I'm currently running into is that it takes money to set up appointments. I still have insurance for a couple of weeks...but nothing left after bills to cover the copays. Essentially, she paid off everything in her name before she moved out, and I'm having to swing everything in my name...whether it's a bill that we both have used or not. Considering that, I've had to stop paying a lot of bills just to cover expenses like debts, and start prioritizing rent, car note, utilities, and internet (I could cut this out, but it really wouldn't make that big of a dent...plus I'm going to need it to find a new job. I know there are free options, but my laptop doesn't work if it's not plugged in...it's a crazy situation).
Right now, it just feels like literally everything is stacked against me. I feel like I'm doing what I can, but I keep discouraging myself.
I really want my S to have a functioning, together family. Neither my W nor I ever had that. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes...it's just being able to do those things that is proving to be difficult.
I really wish that there were free MC options. I would jump on that opportunity.
Also...I have a really hard time putting together whole thoughts sometimes (it's the ADHD thing). I'm a lot better answering specific questions than I am trying to write out thoughts and fill in blanks...sorry.
I really appreciate the feedback Sandi2 and Steve85. I want to work through this so much...any advice yall have on navigating this mess is greatly appreciated.
She stopped by again today for a little while. I got to hang out with my son for a bit, then they had to leave. I helped her carry some of her stuff down to the car, got him loaded up, and then...she gave be a big hug. Then she squeezed tighter.
I really hope this stuff is working. It seems that it could be doing something good.
I know I'm going to be a better person either way this turns out.
But she seems at least a bit more willing to see me now.
Yes that is a good sign, but remember, it she will rebel against these new feelings at some point. WAWs don't change to go back on their D proclamation easily. She will be conflicted inside and lash out at you likely. Just stay the course. You are the lighthouse, standing firmly in place no matter whether the seas are calm or stormy!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
She stopped by just now for a second to pick up a couple of things for a trip out of town. She was nice, I was nice, and for the few minutes she was here, I was doing fine.
She smiled a big, awkward smile. She just said she was happy that I'm doing good.
She left. Then I went back upstairs and just lost it. I'm still losing it.
It's really difficult to keep up the energy needed to be okay around her. And when she leaves, I just feel empty.
How do yall keep this up? This is exhausting. I believe it's worth it, but the back and forth between being a self-directed grown adult man and being an empty shell of a human is really, really exhausting.
DBing is hard. No question. And you did the right thing by not showing your emotions until she was gone.
The answer your question is you keep it up as long as you want to. It is always in your power to stop at anytime. No one can force you to DB, and it won't work unless you want to keep doing it. One of sandi's rules is to never give up. And the proof is in the pudding that if you DB long enough, unless your MR was a sham to begin with, eventually your WAS will come around. But most people through DBing end up not caring to save their MR any longer and initiate the D themselves.
Whether you keep trying or not is completely in your power to control.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It's easy for me to get really down, up, down, up, and back down. It's part of the ADHD thing. And it really, really [censored].
She's already initiated the D, but she hasn't really been talking about it lately. I think it confuses me that she's happy to see what she thinks is me doing well. I can't tell if it's reinforcing her beliefs or mine...and it's just...confusing.
I'm going to keep going with this. I know that there's been small amounts of progress, but I also know that so far it hasn't really appeared to make a huge impact. But changes that are worth making are the ones that take time and effort.
I'm just tired. But I'm going to try to keep pushing forward. My son and I (and even she) deserve a happy family. I just hope that one day we can get back to being that.
So yesterday I went out of town overnight to see some friends. She called me (knowing I was out of town) like five times to ask a random question. She asked if I was having fun...
It's almost like she's trying to figure out what kind of GAL I've got going on. Heh.
It's kind of funny. And kind of...I dunno...should I be happy that she's starting to wonder about my "independence"?
I definitely didn't. Heh. All she knew was I was out of town seeing friends. When she asked "are you having fun?" my answer was "well, I would be, but I'm on the phone...".
I feel like that was harsh, and I really wasn't trying to be rude to her, but I think she got it. She went "...oh...".
It was mildly humorous, but I do kinda feel bad about saying that. I'm not usually one to say stuff like that to her.
But then...considering everything...it kinda felt good. Heh.
