Moving past the WAW-MCL to a stronger me

[Davide]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2788756&page=11

Thanks for everyone's help thus far. I have finally reached my second thread.

So today I took the day off for myself. 6 a.m. yoga, then off to the family house where the W lives. I needed to pick up the car, but also some clothing and papers. I texted her the night before to let her know I was coming by so she wouldn't get scared. But she was still in bed. So we didn't see each other.

I went to the climbing gym for a good 2 hours. That really helps my mind focus on the present moment. Then showered and headed off to the 2nd job interview. I killed it. Dunno if I want the job because it means a commute 3x longer, and I dunno about the money yet. But it is still a success.

Then off to get my first ever tattoo - a wrist inscription, really a mantra to myself, about my own power.

When I came home I looked through the papers I had picked up. They were letters my former runners had written me when I left the school nearly 11 years ago. Once again, I was a puddle of tears on the floor. Some of them are arranging a get together when I visit NYC on my trip this summer. I'm sure that I am projecting somewhat, because I am so openly emotional about the investment and connection that I had with them, while I keep a stiff upper lip regarding the WAW.

I am also reading a book on codependency and came across a passage that nailed my situation to a T.

Emotional dependency and feeling stuck can also cause problems in salvageable relationships. If we are in a relationship that is still good, we may be too insecure to detach and start taking care of ourselves. We may stifle ourselves and smother or drive away the other person. That much need becomes obvious to other people. It can be sensed, felt.

Ultimately, too much dependency on a person can kill love. Relationships based on emotional insecurity and need rather than love can become self-destructive. They don't work. Too much need drives people away and smothers love. It scares people away....