The bomb woke me up, but she won't talk

[lusa]

Thank you for that sound advice.
I am back from the family home now, I realise she is in this independent mode where she really wants to be able to do all the tasks I did before, for herself. When things need doing that she hasn't done before like setting up or emptying the pool we have, she'll ask me what to do, I'll explain and then she'll do it herself. I'm not going to read too much into this now, but I'll just take on-board that she doesn't want me to do things for her around the house ATM. I resisted bringing in the trash bins from the front of the house, like I've been doing recently and tidying the kitchen and just let her do it all herself whilst I played with the kids.

I did tell her it was fine if she gets a gardener and I am going to stop doing these type of things for her. I mentioned the fact she replied disrespectfully to me when I offered the other day and that if she wants me to do something she'll need to ask me nicely. She balked at that and repeated "ask you nicely?". I wasn't mean or cold and don't think I have been for the last 10 weeks of Dbing. She did want to end that conversation then though.

I'm taking on board what you say about detaching with love and not being demanding. I want her respect and it makes perfect sense that I won't need to demand it if I am respecting and loving myself properly because then I will simply not accept her disrespect.

Something else has been on my mind, one of the few times she has acknowledged my changes, she said the last few months have been so much better regarding my relationship with the kids. She then said she thought it was down my not having the stress of living with her. I resisted the urge to say these last 2 months have been the most stressful time of my life.

It can't be right that successfully implementing consistent changes can lead a WAW I am separated from to believe it is because she has reduced my stress by preventing me from living with her, can it?