bh, great. One of the other anti-divorce experts I read and listened to talked about how sometimes the problems in a MR were not THE problem. His point was that a lack of connection sometimes causes spouses to pull away, walkaway, cheat, etc. He concentrates on two things:
1. Time 2. Reconnecting
He reiterates that the two things go hand in hand, that you don't just reconnect overnight, and there is no huge change you can make to cause reconnection to spontaneously happen. But consistent improvements over time. So he says you need to work on you (IE if you were controlling, stop it. If you were verbally abusive stop it. Etc). And then use talk charges (short 30-60 second fun talks to your spouse, in person or over the phone, and then you end the call). Touch charges (non-sexual touching, like patting their shoulder as you walk by, or putting your hand on their back as you pass behind them in the kitchen, etc). And then date night. Obviously depending on the situation, you might not be able to do all 3, but you slowly work up them over time.
It sounds like you might be in a sitch where you need to start instituting some of that to try to reconnect. This expert says what he normally sees is a that a couple comes to him to fix a particular issue, but by focusing on the MR and improving it the particular issue resolves itself.
Food for thought, but keep up the great work!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
