Hello, I'm new here. :)

[Jlh]

Well I got back from my therapist and just did some shopping and it's a good day today. Something my H had said last week nagged at me and the way he said it made me wonder if he is feeling a horrible amount of shame in his EA actions. He said, "You can talk to me even after I hurt you so badly and lied to you, caused you pain?"

Therapist thinks he is under a huge amount of shame over what he did and that's why he doesn't want to talk right now and tried to run the last time I tried to talk to him.

Honestly, I did my own part in being not the best spouse either, I was a lazy, cold wife full of her own depression and worrying about our autistic son. I pushed H to the side with my constant worries of our son and it pushed him to another woman for attention. I don't excuse his behavior, but I don't hate him and I forgive him, I just wish he's talk to someone to get his feelings out. I still hurt and am angry at the EA but I turned to my own form of attention seeking with friends and pushed him away myself. I've thought long and hard about my actions to and I'm making many changes for the better. I can do things for myself around the home now, I drove to an area by myself that normally scares the hell out of me to drive there as a passenger, Im changing my attitude on life and learning to let my son be more independent. I'm looking for a job (im a sahm) and also looking into college. I'm doing it all for me and my son and I feel great (as great as a woman who has a husband who is lost can feel I suppose.)

I'm learning that I can stand up on my own even if the big D word happens and taking things a day at a time.